Tuesday the 24th of October

Today is exactly 1month(30 days) since i started this blog and for the time bieng i will finish bit with this publishing. Since i dont drink alcohol i will not celebrate it by getting drunk and as i have only the smoke oif the grass on friday afternoons i can not celbrate this way either.

Some things before i finish this publishing today.

First is that i found that wheat grass in juice or more preferebly in powder was helping me a lot; i stop it only cos i started the chlorella.

Wheat grass is as its name says the wheat when is starting to grow but before it starts to be straw;It has all the ingrediants to apport to the human life everything that it needs so it can be used as a supplement on top of ur normal diet in oredr not to gain weight but volume and if u happened to be on a diet to loose wait and u can not eat much u can have it as a way of making sure that the body has whatever it may need.The taste of it is very bitter so u may taking it with some another kind of juice.If as in my case u can not take it within 20 minutes of making the juice (this is the optimum time span)then i found out that maybe "better" to take it in powder from, this is not the ideal way but since i could not take it in the juice form and i was loosing cos of it much of its properties i was suggested by the nutritionist(Juliette) in Nutri Center that powder form will do me as good ;At the begining i was buying the powder from Nutri Center but then looking in the interwnet as usual i found a much cheaper supplier also recommended to me by another nutritionist called Charlotte Watts.

Another thing is that my health improved a lot once i put a water filter in my home as i find that the water quality, mostly in London is not so good.

There are many,many books out there and they will "guide" us to find the way to heal us by our own means; Remember that absolutly everyone of u can have a go at healing urself and only having others (and by this i include medical doctors) helping u.

I will finish with another one of my thoughts that has nothing to do with myself healing but with the fact that i am a lot"in" and i should get out much more.Ortodoxy is usual confused by ortodox people as religion when in reality is nothing else that domesticity; Take any ortodox group that u may think of (u can pick and choose christians,muslims, jews others ) and u will have find out that the rules have about "how" they need to aproach God not "how" God request them to be aproached. So everything thwey have to aport to religion is "ethics" no "morals" and this distinction confuses a lot of people and the ortodox take advantage of that confusion.(Remember Jesus Christ thought the Ortodox of his time,and they were the once who took him to the cross and 2000 years later we find that we have ortodox within Christianity-oh! what a joke)

Monday 23rd of October

This bit that comes now is a letfover from yesterday.My weekend carrer was not feeling well (anuralgia produced when a person has glasses and for pure "looks" does not use them, it is quite stupid to play with ones health i know but ...) so i radically finished my publishing for yesterday.

If u remember when i told u that i had done a certificate degree in Aromatherapy i mention that it was at that time when i started to think that the most propable fight against HIV was by changing its enviroment.Well now when u find out that although cows milk intolerant i take 8 out of 28 meals a week mainly with diary products.Notice somehow that these diary products are all fermented cows milk.

before taking any decision about these diary products i consulted with my usual nutritionist at Nutri Centre(her name is Juliet) and she suggested to me that some chesse and live yoghurt would be ok;so i did and apart from a little bit increase in the phleme coming out from the longhues to the trachea(u know that by having or increasing ur diary products intake u increase the amount of phleme) i had no other problem and my healthy "looks" are quite good.

If i were a bit more scientific in my approach i could include here in this change of enviroment for HIV the glass of water with a drop of teatree and (i do this) have in my diet sellenium (it's proven that 200micrograms a day can help the work of the antiHIV combination; i take 2520 micrograms a day in the form of Brazil Nuts, organic,8).I am sure that there are other forms of "changing" the enviroment for HIV but these are the once i use.

One product that i dont take anymore but i use to is coenzyme Q-10 it does help with muscle building but be aware of cheap supplies;we may need a day around 30mg and the cheap once may contain in each pill only 5mg so is always useful to look at the composition of everything u may take.Another thing that is really good is called HONIGAR that is a mixture of honey and vinegar(cider one);it was used as a popular drink(as popular as coca cola now )by the roman army over 2000 years ago cos of its properties to heal and regenerate, and if u remember when Jesus Christ was on the cross and was thirsty asking for something to drink a roman soldier gave him exactly that, wet it in a sponge but i live up to ur inteligence to think that was for placating his thirst or to make him suffer for longer in his last minutes of life on the cross.

I told u that i have chlorella powder everyday, i do take this cos i think it cleanses the body off heavy metals plus aids my diggestion and i do happened to believe that the gut is in its function closely related to the function of the brain.

Sunday 22nd October

"EVERYTHING IN EXCESS IS BAD, EVEN THE GOOD"

This is the opening line of an Italian film (SALO-THE 120 DAYS OF SODOMA) by Pierre Paolo Passolini that was a movie director in the same group of creativity than Visconti or Fellini and this group in which there were other many influential directors is the one that Bertolucci.

"EVERYTHING IN EXCESS IS BAD EVEN THE GOOD"

this is my beginning today because i tend to do the opposite. I am a Pisces ( double pisces) and this is represented by two fishes swimming in opposite directions so this , usually, means that pisces people, and this incudes me, have it all one way or all the way;i need to "work" in the middle path. For example when i was "enjoying" mysself i didn't pay attention to my (future) health, now i pay all the attention to health but only until very recently i was not paying attention to my enjoyment in life; perhaps this "change" is a direct result of my suicide attempt. From January i started to dress, again, as if i were going "out" although as you know i don't do it just "yet"; I started to pay more attention to the food i enjoy eating but with healthy ingredientsbut before i was eating very healthy things and i did't pay attention to its flavour. so before i was "dressing " and "living"as a very sick man, that i am indeed, now i am putting all emphasis in whatever life i have got left, hopefully a very long one, I enjoy it but not as Alfredo but as Elfrid and by this i mean accepting 100% now who and what I am now but living the life as much as I can within the new limitations (i am still trying to find out those limits). This does not mean that I do not want the RIGHT TO DIE, it means only that i do not intend to die or to kill myself again, for the moment anyway!

.........................................................................................................................................................................

Yesterday i mentioned that I am intolerant among many other foods to cows milk but this is not written on stone. Certainly I do not have milk from cows at all ( the only milk I have is rice milk) but i do have dairy products such as gouda cheese ( 3 meals a week), organic or "live" yorghut (something you need to know something about "live" yorghut; it is, most certainly, "live"when it is packed but when you get it from the supermaket shelf it is not; wht the supermarket people do not tell you is that that pot of "live" sometimes called BIO, yorghut has been transported refrigerated and transported again so when you put it in your mouth it is still very good but not live or alive) andsome home made kefir (the "seeds of this one i bought them through the internet so you cannot have the excuse of not knowing where to get them; this was my excuse anyway!) .

saturday 21st October

After publishing yesterday those disturbing reflections (disturbing for you not for me. I had them for years maybe they are the ones for blaming my "craziness") I have to apologise, SORRY! I don't know what went into me to make me to say those things i made 2 hours before having my "weekly little smoke" (I smoke the "pipe" only on Fridays but do not ask me why); maybe it was becausethat i publshed those reflections one hour and half hours after having an "ugly" meeting with my actual housing officer, Ms Deborah Banwoo, that came into my flat with an unnounced colleague of hers (maybe because the previous housing officer Ms Nichol Williams, left a note to her that i could be a violent person and she wanted protection; but forgetting the old chinese "adiggio" that says that a tree does not move when the wind blows its branches, well i am not sure if its chinese but i thought of it about 3 months ago when i was reading a book on Tai Chi). But i have no real excuse because i have a lot of useless information that i can make available to my mind whenever i feel unhappy.

like for example do you know the story behind the song "dancing queen" by ABBA"? Well about 30 years ago the King of Sweden needed to get married and although his girlfriend at the time was beautiful he could not marry her because she could not have children (?!) so there was no succession. Him and the whole country were devasteted because of this role However (A Cilla Black moment now, please!) very quickly he "found" another girlfrind who could have children and was also beautiful and younger than the one before; so the whole country breathe in relief so wider was the country's relief that ABBA wrote " dancing queen".

Or even did you know that the nazis are the ones to "thank" when we do enjoy a night out dancing in a night club? How is this possible? You may ask. Let me take you back to the conquest of Paris by the German during the 2nd world war. Before taking overall control of the city Paris had many fashionable orchestras playing jazz and as we all know this music at the time was mainly played by black musicians. When the nazis invaded Paris implemented the rule that people could not dance at the sound of the music produced by a low class race like black people (sorry for this!) so they imposed that all the dancing clubs had to play records instead. Here we have the beginning of "clubbing".

.........................................................................................................................................................................

As we say in Spain "a otra cosa mariposa".

About 2 weeks ago when i publshed the list of supplements that i take daily i forgot to mention one that i take 15 grams of it a day,taken in 3 times daily of 5 grams each time. As i wanted to build it up in my system i started with doses of only 5 grams a day then 10 grams a day,

now 15 grams and in the new year it will become 20 gms. as you might imagine this is a powder and its name chlorella. As most of the things i take i buy it through the internet and there i get a cheap price (otherwise my weak economy would collapse under the "weight" of such many pills). I take it within teas (I take 4 different teas a day .. green tea for breakfast, white tea for lunch, red bush infusion for the break between lunch and supper and tranquility blend for supper to help to sleep) and into soup (that is made freshly every moday and thursday and has as ingrdients ptatoes,garlic, onion, coconut oil and 1 tblspoon of each of the following sunflower seeds, pumpkin seeds, hemp seeds, leen seeds and seaweed, the seeds being grounded before cooking and 6 cloves of fresh garlic when its blended after it has cooled).

The single and most important contribution to my diet/healthy eating for the last few years was, under the guidance of the nutritionist Charllotte Watts (tel 01273690011), to have tested my blood for food intolerances and in this way i discovered that i was eating things that were not making me healthy. I am intolerant, for example, to things that many people is like cows milk or wheat but i discovered that i am intolerant to other things more unusual like beans (i was taking soya milk since 1995 and soya is a bean), most pulses, lobster, crab, prawns, almonds,peanuts, cashew nuts, hazel nuts, and some others. So this is something that i would recommend very strongly to everybody to find out what iss healthy for you or not. This single (really is multiple) discovery will help you to find your way back (or forward) to health (physically speaking of course).

..........................................................................................................................................................................

Once again apologies for yesterday!

Friday 20th of October

This morning thinking about the point that i weas trying to make yesterday regarding the separation that exists today between art and science i got a figure in history before the 15th century that has all the signs of being both a scientist and artist his name was Leonardo Da Vinci.

Staying with the theme of "time ago" i have a few more points to make.

One of the points is about the plague also called "the black death". For looking at this point we need to use geography , history and religion. About 2 years ago more or less there was a program in Horizon about it in which it pointed out that this syndrom was not passed to other people through the bugs living in rats but the bugs living in human beings; they argue the point from a very scientific point of view and as i agree with them i am going to argue from an antropology point of view.The plague started in the island of Sycily and from there went to italian peninsula although it cuold travel as easly to north africa a region called now Tunisia. From southern Italy went to the north and to Switzerland also to the west(France and Spain) and to the east. The map of Europe about the geographical extention of the plague stopped in Spain in between the northwest and the southeast(the rest of spanish iberain peninsula was controled by the islamic kingdoms) and in the east by Russia and by the Otoman Empire;niow we need to think that at the time of the "black death" the roman branch of christianity was making asin to see ur own body naked without any clothing so people could not have a proper wash while the muslim kingdoms has a known system in Europe for public sanitation and was costumary to have a bath or a sauna and while u were doing this u were cleaning ur body.This is a reason for not going south (the plague i mean) but it stopped also before Russsia and the Scandinavia cos those bugs in human beings cant live very well in very cold temperatures.Further more at the begining of the 20th century there was an earth quake in San Francisco(USA) and they had a short apperiance of this syndrom but 1 years after it;when the earthquake happened there the underground became apparent in the ground and most of the rats in the pipes were dead however alll the people that was left homeless were put toghrether in large tends with very little or non sanitation.

The other 2 points are more of a religious nature.

Now i want to take u using ur imagination/fantasy to the time of Abraham the old patriarh.

Aparently he was aproaching old age and he needed a heir to succed him so all that he had accumulated would not be lost.This is as much as we know objectivly cos everything from now is subjective to the winner. It is never explained why he was so old and had no heir, this is highly suspicious... ,he appear to have 1 main wife, young and had 1 concubine, also young.they both had children with him, male once of course, we are not told why females one never appear in the story.Of course the one from his wife(this is what the story written by her tells us)was going to be his succesor but he was attempting non then less to sucrifice him(human sucrifice?wher ehe gets this idea from?) when GOD made him to ch=ange his hand and to slotter a ship instead.My silly question here is was it GOD or the angel of the Lord who made it possible.Did God in this moment did a historic decision?We have 3 main religions claiming to have the same GOD as origin but we need to analise this even very closely cos maybe this 3 religions (Islam ,Christianity and Judaism) have the same root but a different origin.

The next point it is that we call the period of middle age as an age of darkness but leets have another look at that period.We have a time when ordinary man gave their most trasures possesions to the Church to their individual representation not to Rome.This can be seen as many diferent centers giving light to illuminate the path of men but obcviously this people were foloweing their individual lighthouses not the main one; so maybe this main center of light was feeling left"behind" and decided that needed to close all those centers of illumination so people would be looking at Rome only.And here we have the dark ages of Europe on dark and the only light was the one from Rome.

Keeping in the prehistorical time that we enter before (i this case might be below) we are looking at another situation that changed the course of history forever. I am talking about the mithologic and symbolic fight between David and Goliat.
I think that from the hunter gather society humanity avolved into trives that were still hunting and gathering fruits but started very slowely at the begining to keep some animals in order to breed them for using them. After a few hundread years of doing this some part of society started to move still in a very hunter and gathering fruits but with the intention of sheparding those flocks of animals;and from this went into(mainly done by woman)creating what is later known as agroculture.But there were still some "trives" that kept doing the hunter gather society keeping flocks of animals but not getting into the habbit of cultivating fruits from the planet;these travis become known as Nomadic and soon realise that if they took by suprise the other trive that had chosen a more cedentarian life style they could do they gathering of food and then leave quickly.
The situation happened for a few hundread years until the farming trives decided to retaliat.We need to imagine here that the Nomadic trives were a bunch of bullies, puting more attention in the body then in mind, fixating the attention into muscle power rather then inteligence; alsdo we need to imagine that the very "fed up" more farming kind of society started to create its own defenses like a group pating into closely tight links mainly done by family blood and in this way to defend themselfs against the suprise attacks of the Nomadic trives.Is in this context that we need to "picture" the fight between Goliat and Dqavid, as the fight between two kinds of "seeing" society.

Thursday 19th of October

This morning i was listening to the radio(Radio4) when there was a program by Melvin Bragg(funny, maybe u know what is the name for womans nickers in spanish is braga and this guy who is even a lord...) in which he was talking with a team of experts trying to find out why China that until the 19th century was a head in the science race suddenly gave way to the non-stop machinery of discoveries by the west.Maybe the answer is that until the 19th century in China and the 16th century in Europe science was linked to art but after this significative dates science discoveries were link not to art anymore but to the economy.

I need to tell u know in a trip back in time to a time when humanity was hunter gathering food in which the trives could not afford to have seeek people so they were left behind.But amazingly some of this "left behind" people heal themselfs ,they maybe got that info to heal themselfs through dreams or intuition(ELVES?) and started to produce( cos they were feeling lonely) artistic paintings and started to speak about a strange contents that when they trives got knowledge of this thought of those people that had been "left behind" as special and treated them with respect and gave them all kind of protections including wealth.This "left behind people" that heal themselfs instead of aknowledge their nonsensic reality that their knowledge had come from kept the idea(maybe for integration) but their really were "special".

So here we can have one begining of that conection between not only science and art but why some "scientists" nowdays are consider to be so incredibly special(take for example the case of medical doctors in which they are given the personal "power" of whoever may be seek cos they might think they can heal them and forgeting that they are only human and therefor make mistakes).

Until the above period of times in the east and west we had links between astronomy and astrology between biology and alchemy(mathematics and music,literature and language, and many other more) but when profit came into the oquation evrithing change in that relation. Artists again interested in pleasing thier Patrons and the general public in order to scratch a livng and science became interested in pleasing first the goverments and then the industries in order to survive.

My memory is allowing me a few more of my little secrets/knowledge.
If u have a problem of smelly feet u can wash ur feet as often as possible changing ur shoes and socks as often as possible and if its possible (sorry for the repetition) do not use trainers as they dont allow foot to breath therefor giving the "nice" enviroment in which the fungus lives(hot and wet)the wet is created by the sweat);apart from this u can use a cream or liquid, the cream is canisten after u have washed ur feet, of course, the liquid is a combination of Tea Tree essentail oil and Wallnut essential oil in a proportion 75% tea tree and 25%wallnut, use it as well after washing ur feet.In all my food i put a lot of garlic ,mostly fresh but sometimes is cooked also but when is cooked i make sure i put one clove of fresh too;this little secret/knowledge was given to me by friend who is practitioner of a form of acupressure(like acupuncter but without niddle)Jinsindo( i hope i have spell it right;the name of the therapist is Margot Massenger). She also gave me the clue to use sea weed.
Another contribiution that i got and when i mention before the uses of cider vinegar and microwave for cleaning was from the Channel 4 program "How clean is your house".
Regarding my many physical exercises mostly i got them by using my creativity and combining info gathered from gym instructors,physiotherapists, pilates, vision therapy, reflexology, reiki, balet and many more others that i might forget now but the essential clue was me and my creativity.
As usual cos of ther "german"(Alzhaimers) i might forget things i epologise.The german although doesnt stop me to talk a lot!

Wednesday 18th of October

More little secrets/knowlegde.

When we are talking about essential oils whenever possible use natural ones, they seem to be working better.For when u need relaxation u can use lavender;u can put a few drops in a incense burner or u can have a few drops in a tissue and smeel it from time to time or u can even buy a candle with lavender but check if its natural;u can use indian icense bars but they tend to dry the atmosphere of the room quite a lot so if u want some humidity forget about it otherwise they are great.U can put also a few drops on the pillow but if what u really want is a natural way of sleeping not just relaxing u can put a few drops of cammomile, my favourite one is roman but there are 2 other varieties german and maroccan;cammomile is also an antiviral so if u do not sleep well cos of a cold or a flew u can use it as well( but remember the best essential oil for anti catarh is thyme). One good way of aromatising ur flat or room is by creating ur own ambient by creating scent from puting up to 30 drops of any essential oil that u may like into 200ml of water that are in the spray bottle;but u can put more drops if u want. U can buy essential oils from ur local health food store but the quantity content in the bottles is usually small and that compare to the price makes it quite expensive so i found that is better to buy bigger quantities (better for the wallet, but never too big).The supplier that i usually use is called G.BALDWINS&Co whose telephone number is 0207 703 5550. U can get also from them Himalayan rock salt in crystals or in rocks.But safter getting it from them i found a cheaper supplier with Nutri Center(also 0207 436 5122).With this last supplier u get discount if u can proof that u are an abitaul reader of "Positive Nation" magazine. We are bombarded with the info that salt is bad for ur health but i found that i can get a lot of suplementation from this kind of salt;it can be a bit (well a lot) more expensive (average kg around £12) but i think is worth while, well i dont go out and i dont have to spend money on fashion either so i can use the little money i get in the things like this that improve my quality of life.

When i have a shower(monday,wednesday and friday) i always put on my arm pits and( this is a "finding" cos this area was getting very enojing) on my groin, testicles and on the base of my penis(dry all this area twice);the deodorant that i use is called PIT ROK natural crystal deodorant, the solid one cos they have also a liquid spray one, i find that the solid one can last for a very long time so extra money that u may spend on salt u may save on deodorant.

As i mention before in the use of Colloidal Silver when i go tto the toilet everday i found that is very healthy after wapping my bottom to wash it ; this the end of the digestive track that starts with the mouth so if we clean our mouth way not clean ur asfinter? About washing ur mouth do not clean only ur teeth but the tongue,ur palat,ur gums and the inside of the cheeks.This is washing the mouth that i do twice a day and i find it very beneficial;whenever i go to the dentist for a regular check up finds it very convinient.Whenever i need to clean my ears from an infection i find very useful to change the enviroment inside the ear.There are 2 choices 1 is alcaline and othe ris acidic;the infections usualy happened in the alcaline enviroment so to put something to change enviroment to acidic is quite good, this enviromental change in my caes usualy is cider vinegar.Cider vinegar i use not only for cleaning my ears but for cleaning everything from glass,mirrors ,lime scale or even worktops in the kitchen(this little secret/knowledge together with putting the sponge i use for wipping my asfinter and the one that i use for helping me in the shower i put in the microwave for 30 seconds.For the shower i use sponge that has an exfoliating side so it is very neccesay to clean it well).

Well for the moment my memory its all it gives me so i see u later.

This afternoon i had time to read the long article in the net about the ancient religion, called BON,from Tibet.
I dont like it at all.Or better to say i dont agree with that aproach but now i understand wqhy i dont aprreciate much the way Buddhism has been tought for the last 2400 years.
I beleive that evertime a religion becomes "official" loses its simplicity.It becomes sophisticated,elaborated and u need to be or very well educated near an intelectual to understand it or u need people to explain that to u(priests) .And i think religion needs to be very clear cos it is the way that u aproach the Devinity.
And thisa is before i even started to read the book that i bought from Watkins.However another book that i bought from that book shop is called "the secret life of water" by Masaru Emoto and it seems to be quite promising althought i just read the intro.
(whenever i say that i read something u need to remember that i have been read whatever by one of my carrers/assistants)

Tuesday 17th of October

Yesterday i send ( for the second time) my apllication form (my subscription payment was done a month ago) for being an active member of one of the 3 factions (the homeland one that is based in Germany) that are trying to decide whether the independent nation(country) for gay and lesbian people in the NE of Australia are trying to define the "ethos" of this country/nation. The name of it is CORAL SEA island but when u search for it in the internet u have to put that is for gay and lesbian community otherwise u will get an info about a community that started as a meteorological research and it is now populated by over 185.000. inhabitants, whether the gay and lesbian one does have no (as far as i know) ANY POPULATION.It has athought an anthem or hymn(I will survive) a falg(the rainbow flag), its own currency (the EURO) ,official language (English), its own postal service since January 2006 and from June 2006 its own stamps.

My idea by joining this mess (is one so far) is no other then that making a statement about the need or recognition for the wide society about the right to life and living (life meaning quantity and living meaning quality) of the homosexual(gay and lesbian) manority group. Well we are not such a minority but anyway uknow what i mean.

Apart from the very developed countries and even in some of them, we are still very much perseciuted and discriminated against(and also opressed) and we need a "place" where the opressor knows that we can be free.Whether is a living space or not it doesnt matter yet but no doubt that having people that support this idea in not much time there will be a living space. With parties happening all the time u know us.

Ah ! i frogot it has a an Emperior as head of the country/nation called DEL I .Because we need to remember that Australia belongs to the common wealth and the common wealth for head the Queen of this country.So if this country has got a "Queen" as head of the Estate this nation(CORAL SEA) has got an Emperior.

.........................................................................................................................................................................

Yesterday and today i am obsesively looking into info in horoscopes. I want them to tell me that i am going to find my "true" love(but have been doing this game for a very long time) but so far is telling me that i have a very busy social life(?!) and that my work salary is going to be raise(?!). Until i "find" that love one i will keep looking and knowing me as i know me i may become a shaman before i find one. That is what the stars (the chinesse astrology of course) said to me, that i am going to have many friends but no loved one and having this physical presents( in a wheelchair) i think this is the most likely possibility but as MY FRIENDS say in Spain "TIENES MAS MORAL QUE EL ALCOYANO..." , i dont know who is the ALCOYANO(Ha,Ha,Ha) (i am getting fed up with this ha,ha,ha and from now on i change to he,he,he)

This afternoon i watched the movie"HumanTraffic" based in the life of the middle class youth in their late teens living the life of clubbing in Cardiff on the late 90's. It gave me quite substantial interest to watch cos it didn't only transport me to my late teens in which i was clubbing like them, drinking a lot ,take as many recreational drugs as them(as i could), dancing and trying to impress sexualy other people(other men in my case) and i was consuming life like them until a few years later (about 9 or 10 years later) i discover that life was eating me not the other way as i thought. But athought i had this "reality check" i was still partying as much as i could and even years later i went to the recovery i stopped drinking and taking drugs but i was clubbing as much as before and i never gave up( not even now) in trying to impress other people (as i say men in my case). The other way that i was quite taken by the film was that when the clubbing mixture goes down in the night or better to say in the morning of the following day one of the main characters says that instead of sleep coming was coming unconciousness and they said that would much preffer a sleep;if i extrapolate this to my life now my clubbing after recovery didnt go into sleep" but instead gave me unconciousness of this physical brain damage.
So cos of this i "found" a different way, one that i had not explore before.
It just happened that about 12 years ago, more or less, i started walking the path of shamanism and after 2-3 years break(when i was full of shit) i am in that path anyway so this discovery about BON was something else.
I always place geographicaly the begining of shamanism on planet Earth quite a few thousand years ago and in the area occupied now by Tibet but i never thought that Tibet was into it before Buddhism and it was quite a suprise to find out that it took Buddhism over well over 1000 years to get from Northern India to the Tibet.
The sham,anic path that i walk would make me a fully fledge shaman close to the age of 78 years old.Since i am now 46 i have left 32 years of being an aprentice still.

Monday 16th of October

Following the theme of yesterday in which i was telling u(i wish somebody told me from time to time cos this is how i accumulate knowledge)the little secrets/knowlegde, one of them is about echinacea, it is very common acknowledge that is good for ur immune system and yes it is but if ur immune system is healthy, if u have any kind of infection or u may have something like HIV or ur immune system has been weakened cos of something else like organ transplant then this is not for u.The reason why is not good in case of infection is , imagine a town in the middle ages in which the main aristocrat decided to errect walls of protection around it in order to keep the possible "vandals" out, if these walls of protection are errected before the attack fine lovely they do the job and when attack happens if the "vandals" come they will not be able of doing much harm but if the "vandals" are already inside the protective walls, that are for the outside only and not for the inside and these "vandals" then would cause a problem in the town;the same happens with echinacea if u take it before the infection(natural or artificial) then u are protected but if u take it after u are protecting not only the immune system but the infection as well so dont take it if u are infected even with a flew.

Changing subject until my memeory brings me another little secret/knoledge i can share with u another 2 ideas or maybe 3. One is that when we go through the bad patch in ur life we can make use of the popular or folk knowledge like this one. Take 1 orange it needs to mature in order to be appreciated as much as we do but then when we want its use first we need a knife to cut it in hale(nasty knife) and then we need an squizzer( more violence)and then we can have the juice and if we are "lucky" we may have a sweet juice but sometimes it happens that maybe cos the orange hasnt been maturing long enough that the juice can be acid like a lemon.We have here 4 subjects orange,knife,squizzer and person to drink the juice but we can add 2 more subjects the juice and a witness of the whole action ; u decide who or what u want to be.

Another image in the same subject is that the individual "garden" of life, we may try to keep it as tiddy as possible but from space to space we may find little patches(in my case quite a few!), but the courious of this patche from time to time a little beautifull flower can appear.This is not to say that the whole garden needs to full of patches in order to have , from time to time , little beautifull flowers.If we dedicate as much energy and attention to this little beauty it can grow into a mature beautifull flower but still in the patch cos if u try to take it away from the mud and put it in the pot it will die it needs to be there and this flower represents u and only u noone else.

Changing subject once again last Saturday i got a review magazine from Watinks Book Shop and i found a book about BON the ancient Tibetan religon .I didnt know anything about it i just thought that the Tibet had been always Buddhist and since Buddhism is been with us for 2500 years i thought that cos the tibet geographical is quite clos eto where the Buddha lived i thought that have been Buddhism for a long time.Well how big was my suprise when i found out that they had been Buddhists for 1400 years and that before Buddhism in Tibet ther was something called BON that apparently was and is much more then just a religion it is a way of life.All of this i found out by going in the internet as usual and searching for BON ancient tibetan religion but athought, i would tell you to do a search with an engine in the internet i have found a link that may save u much trouble.This is the link www.varjanatha.com .It talks about shamanism and pagnism and so on so if u are not interested in the subjects forget about it.

Sunday 15th October

This morning just before 10 oclock i hear on the radio (on the weekend the care/assistant comes to wake me up from bed at 10 in the morning) that one woman who was "missing" for a few years becaause she could not put her identity together with the identity of her family in the society that they were living because this lady was and is "gay"said that"the past cannot be recovered" and i think it is true.

The future i can fantasise/ imaginate about it always, the present, about it always,the present, sometimes, i can also fantasise/imaginate it but the past is there, i cannot change it because i have lived it with and sometimes entangled with other people so at the sametime that is mine it is theirs. So you just have to "trust"that everything i say is all the truth, my truth. In here I need to remind you that i have done a programme of recovery with A.A.that is based in honesty, pure honesty and although it has taken me 12 years, more or less, to come face to face with my own honesty i "feel" that i have arrived, finally. If only i had been more willing to face it many years before maybe my journey would be different. well, lets face it, this is the "real" reality now!

Sometimes i do put 1 drop of TeaTree essential oils (becareful only 1 drop) in a big glass full of water from the tap or filtered. This, when i drink it, is contributing to myself healing against Candida Albicans. TeaTree its very helpfull because it is anti viral, anti microbial, antibactrial and antifungal, its been descibed as a "medicine cabinet" in a small bottle; I put it pure when i have any sore as the product of my position on the bed and on the wheelchair. Another helpful product is aloe vera gel but although the aloe vera is very good as a regenarating agent is only antifungal but i use it eg on my head including my hair but not my eyes and on my hands, the result is that the natural aging process is going very slow indeed so this together with my hair dyed in blonde (a blonde ambition only) is keeping my looks in my 30s (ha, ha, ha ).

Whenever i do have a skin problem i use Geranium essential oil on my skin and usually the problem goes away within 1 or 2 wks; as the plant the oil is extracted from is very popular in Spain, I like very much its smell but my main carer/assistant, who is form Poland doesn't like it at all.

On my eyes i put 2 drops of colodal silver (on the evening i go to bed and on the morinng before i come out of it). I use also Coloidal Silver, as a spray i put it on my armpit (like a deodorant, ) , on my feet (between the toes as well) and after wiping it off and washing it and dryng it againon my esphinter. Coloidal Silver was used widely in medicine before the discovery of antibiotics ( you can find out more about it in internet) but it was expensive ( its not anymore) and slowly to heal (and sometimes didnt heal at all); it can be used also as a nasal drops and as a cure for verrucas. It works with the principle that no organism (big or small) can live within a silver environment, ever wonder why you can get an ear infection if you use a gold earing and never when you use a silver one?

On the mattress that i have on the bed i put a few drops of pine essential oils because it kills the bugs that live in the mattress. Also on my bedroom sometimes on my pillow or in/sometimes as well an essential oil burner, whenever i have a "nasty" cough ( usually brought to me by my carers?assistants when they catch the infection outside) a few drops of thyme Essential oil in a base of water because thyme helps to bring out anything that is obstructing the breathing . Keeping in the subject of the lungs, ever wonder about the "common" lung infections? Well the environment inside the lungs is hot and wet so a little bit of "dryness" now and then is good for you; this "dryness" can be achived by having some smoke in the lungs ( but not cigarrettes please) or an annual holiday of a few days only (ha,ha,ha) in a country like Iceland or Switzerland where the habitual winds make it a perfect environment for this.

Well i am sure that i have a few more little secrets/knowledge that i could share with you but my memory is not always good so enough for now. My dream would be that we could have a common space where to hear people telling each other about their little secrets / knowledge.

Saturday 14th October

In regards of the rehabilitation process, lets say that it is holistic and by this i mean that ( remember that i am house bound and i do not go out) that everything that goes on in my daily living is rehabilitationprocess ; this process is like a "puzzle in which my only task was to put together the different pieces and and once they were assembled they were helping my rehabilitation but anybody ca n put the pieces together according to their need " since my way" is useful, only, for "my case"and everything changes at every moment that i need to.

My phylosophy of life is based a non-dualistic phylosophy. For you to try to understand what i mean by this lets say that in all creation theology around the world ther is a moment/ space that is described by many religions by the Void There is were i want to go; in other words could be descrbed as the primar "soup" from which everything was created. This is basically the non- dualistic phylosophy in oppostion to the dualistic phylosophy that "says " that from the void or primer soup the divinty craeted caos and order also described as , heaven or earth (I let you to find outwhich one corresponds to which if heaven to caos or order,or if earth to chaos or order!). Another way to illustrate what i mean is that if you think about the near death experinces of some people they all talk about a light at the end of the tunnel, well its the tunnel that i am interested in.

Darkness, is to me as good or positive as light. Darkness is the absence of light only but we tend to be afraid of it and we attribute everything that is bad or evil to it; so usually we find our our most "familiar " monsters inside, but these monsters" are our own energy, our own creativity,they are much us as those things we can see. Here is were i was relegated into by all the human beings when i was diagnose with PML.

At the beginning i was very scared and i was making everybody "to pay the for what was happening to me (i do have to apologise alot to many people). Over the years, though, I was rediscovering the creativity, my creativity, that that moment/space also called darkness had in store for me. Take for example the myth of dracula; a very cruel human being belonging to the aristocracy of far, far away frontier of the christian empire fighting another faith that has the symbol of its spirtuality the bat. The bat as an animal lives in the dark for protection, this cruel aristocrat was a count and had his prisoners being impaled ( ihope i have spelled this word right) that is a very pointed,edgy stick in which people were put to die by having all their blood leaking off their body ; so you put everything together now, please, and you have count dracucula, the myth (there are vampires in nature, of course, but they live in South America and they were not discovered until much later in time) .

This is one of the many myths that I discovered as "monsters among the many things in my darkness.

and as you can see i had a long way to get through,1st i thought "out2 then i realised that its "through".

So if you are afraid of the dark this blog is not for you.

Now I have a little bit more of time than this afternoon so i'll tell you a little bit more about me that might illustrate a little more about how it is possible my daily life.

After reading all this blog so far you might have the impression that i do, just me do, all my rehabilitation life. This is quite far from the truth because i cannot do anything, physical, by myself since i need the assistance/help of my 2 PA in health care and, psychologically, you and all my friends and family that, all of you have the immense contribution, by listening and this is quite something. For example for the last few days i have been softer regarding my character and this is only by pouring my heart and head out here in this blog.

So you can assume that i am no hero at all. However in 1993 i did 2 courses that helped me alot now and then. One was holistic massage therapy for which i had before an introduction to human biology and i study anatomy and physiology but any body could approach this by simply having an anatomy colouring book and then you will know where everything in the body is simply by putting colour into it (not a great secret); the other course was aromatherapy that gave me a great insight into how nature can have ways of healing things and i started to think of a way in which we could heal the body from HIV not by attacking HIV but by changing its environment, this position has been never explored and dont ask me why. So these 2 therapies ( masssge and aromatherpy ) together with rekki(l and ll) made possible for me to start with the help of my carers / assistants my contribution to my physical rehabilitation. At the beginning of it since i was still full of much fear and i had to call the help of anybody who offerred the knowledge (that was my merit to know who to ask) but after a few years( lets face it is yes) I have managed to control the process of my rehabilitation and this is what i am doing for the last few days here; all this that i am achieving is being achived by putting in practice process so it is this the one you should copy not me, i have achieved nothing, nothing at all, all of this "dream" reality of mine is nothing without the help of science or God's miracle; the physical reality is a fantastic "dream" body but i cannot do anything with it because after all of this is lacking coordination and the PML is not giving it to me.

Friday 13th of October

This afternoon i dont have much time to write in here so i might continue this eve.The problem happened twhen we discovered that ur local sainsburys was closed and some of the weekly shopping has to be done somewhere else.Here was went the time slip back.

I have to apologise to u cos last night i remember 1 more exercise that i have been doing everyday for the last year and a half and in very few words it consists of having my feet naked after the footbath i try to move thenm forward using only the toes then back to start again for 10 times.This is a very good exercise for strenghtening mainlythe ankles that i read somewhere (sorry my memory sometimes is very good but sometimes is really bad ,apologise).They are relfex point for the eyes.So good ankles means good eyes therefor good eyesight.

Last night i faced the same situation with the lack of sleeping.I woke up around 1.11am and for nearly 3 hrs i was trying to catch up with my sleep again;after listening for 1/2 an hour to radio 5 live since i didnt like what i was hearing i took the decision of starting the morning exercises while in bed.So just after 4am i started them and by 5.30am i was in the land of nod after having put the alarm clock for 8am rather then 7am.So at leats i slept 2 and a 1/2 hrs more.
For anybody to understand what i am doing we can say that since i slept 2hrs before midnight, i read somewhere that it counts as double time, i have slept about 7 hrs and 40 minutes more or less that is not bad isn't it?
But i know why i didnt slept well last night.I asked my carrer /PA to put the thermostate on 23 and the radiator was on 4; later i realised why i was sweating like a "pig" that my carrer/Pa had reminding me of it but i didnt pay attention to it.Later i was sorry.

Thursday 12th of October

I love Johnny Depp!Have u seen the movie "Pirates of the Carrabien-The curse of the black pearl"?I saw it on monday afternoon and alhought i saw on tuesday afternoon"the last stand-X men", today everytime i recall the image of"Jack Sparow"i break into laughter.So i might reak into laughter quite a few times today why i am putting this.

Everyday after supper i have a footbath i bought this one in argos so is not very expensive and gives me gentle massage on the feet plus bubbles and keep the temperature of the water warm; i put into the water 2 droops of essential oils,1 of frankeansence and 1 of peppermint.This footbath lasts between 12-20 minutes and while it last i do some feet and hand exercises.This are: with the feet lifting the toes up 30 times everytime i do exercises on the right hand and 30 times i separate the toes in the feet while i do exercises on the left hand.This exercises on the hands consists of pulling up everyfinger with the oposite finger in the other hand 1st the index 2nd the middle 3rd the annular (by this i mean the wedding ring finger) and last the small one (i never do any pushing of the thumb, dont ask me why).

Everyday in the morning after i finish the segments i do go to the toilet (accept mon,wed,fri that's when i have a shower that i do go to the bicycle for 20 minutes) and while i am on the toilet i do about 5 minutes of further exercises that consists of 10 repetitions moving of upper part of the body by rotating on the waist.Then i do the once that are suppose to any back pain that consists of my hands joining behind my back(3 times), then i rotate the shoulders forward and 10 times backwards i follow by joining the shoulder plates 10 times also and then i do 11th time in which i flex the pireneum muscle and at the same time i aline the bones in the back of my neck by getting the chin to touch my trought(the pirreneum muscle is the 1 that is situated between the testilcles bag or vagina in case of woman and the esfinter;this area is also known as the kundalini entrance point in the body or also known as the "door of the soul";is also a very good area for massaging with the hand when u have sex or as a way of preventing licks of urine).

This group of exercises is finish by doing an exercise for my eyes that i got from oculist 40 years ago in Spain and that is by looking at the index finger of my right hand and then left,wwith both eyes, while it moves from the tigh to the nose and back with each side of the body so in total is 30 repetitions.

1 more set of exercises that i forgot to mention before(sorry) are ones that i do use the help of the ordinary chair , a rubber band and the help of my carrer/PA; i dont do this everyday, only when is convinient so maybe this is why i forgot about it until now.In total this equence takes about 3 minutes in which 1st i try to touch my right ankle with my left foot and then the same with the right foot touching the left ankle by changing thwe position of the wheelchair ,of course;hti sis achieve by having the rubber band attached to one of the legs of the chair and by the assistant/carrer sitting on the chair.Then i continue by putting rubber bands on each of the handles of the wheelchair by pulling them up 15 times the right arm and 30 in the left.I finish by6 having the rubber badn that is still into making a circle that is put around my tighs and trying to open the legs 20 times,this exercise is strenghtening the muscles in the lumber area.

Well i have told u all the exercises that i do.

Wednesday the 11th of October

Now ia m goin to relate the 3rd and final segment of exercises in the living room.After this segment i have only left to tell u about physical exercising two more groups of them but they are one of 15 minutes and one of 5 so not too much.Before i continue i need to tell u that i have the bicycle for nearly 2 years so thats why ui have maximum difficulty in its use.

Tjhe 3rd segment starts with 2 exercises that a physiotherapist told me about 2 years ago for back pain.1st is by trying to jion the hand on the back having one arm up and the other down.I try to tdo this quite slowly first with the left arm up and the right down and then vice versa. As one or maybe the 2 hands that when down may find difficulties in joining the other hand that is up, try to move ur hand by impulsing it up.The next position for back pain ids to move the shoulders in rotation forward 10 times and backwards the same amount.this 2 exercises are made possible by sliding slowly the bump to the front of the wheelchair; maybe it is neccesary first to acostume the back by not having support on the wheelchair by extreme training of the muscels in the lower area first, i do this also but i got a lopt of help by puting a back rest in my wheelchair that i bought 4 years ago from the "back store" in West London.

The next movement is by making the feet to "walk" without moving in the space(u know the toes up and then the hill up and when the toes in the right foot goes up then the hill in the left goes up as well and vice versa, and so on).I do this 15 times with both feet and then 35 times only with the left foot only (sorry!).Then i try to rotate clockwise and anti clockwise the left foot by extending it forward 15 times to the right and 15 times to left (2 series).Finaly i do the rotation with right foot but only 15 times each side.When i do this exercises i have the wqheelchair in the middle of my room but for doing the next one i place the wheelchair again infront of the sofa but this time maybe 30cm away from it only.By placing the legs and feet on the top of the sofa and by holding on the wheelchair with my hands i try to tilt forward the upper part of my body without bending the knees while i am having the feet apart.When i do this i count to 30 and then i rest and catch up with my breath for an hour.

As part of my relaxing i put one band on the sofa when i take another rubber band from one of my draws(u can buy them in any physiotherapy shop in London or via internet;u can get them also free of charge from ur physiotherapy department in the community, they tend to be quite weak).By sliding again my hips ftowards the fromt of the wheelchair nad by keeping my spine as errect as possible i try to pull the band from the center of my upper body opening the arms as much as i can for 15 times then i do try to do more or less the same but without so much extention by having one hand on tha top of the other infront of my chest;what i do is first i have the right hand up and then vice versa,when the right hand is up i pull 15 times and when the left is up 30. With this rubber band the final exercise is by holding with right foot the badn on the floor while with the right fist i pull the band up 15 times supporting my elbow on the wheelchair arm then i do the same with the left side and double(30 times).The idea of doing a few exercises double on the left then onm the right is to ACHIEVE A BALANCE OF volume ibn the wqhole body; i do not have strenght, one of the cosequences of not having the coordination is not having a strenght so from this point of view i am as "weak" as i was before getting this diagnosis(funny isnt it?).

The final exercise of this egment is with another rubber band that i hold with my 2 hands behind my back and then i pull themon my knees to my feet and then to my knees again and now i bent my back forward( the lower area only ).I do this for 15 times and it has made my image to appear huge really huge but all i try to do is to improve the strenght in my lower area.I finish the segment by stretching the muscles in my arms forward backwards and then holding with the left hand the right handle of my wheelchair and then holding behind my neck( both hands actually).As a gadget "queen" that i am i have 2 air purifiers that are at the same time ironizers one is permanently in the living room and the other one changes from the kitchen into my bedroom;This has imrove a lot my sight that i help to "exercise" everyday by having halpfull glasses put on .First for 30 min i got the red and green glasses that although the frame is in plastic are nithing more then 3 D glasses that u can get for watching a 3D movie; with this i challenge the brain to see only 1 eye red and 1 green.After this i have another pair of glasses that i call a pin hole glasses that consist of shades in which pin holes have been done( u can buy this and is not very expensive).I finish with the red and green glasses again but this time if the red was on the right now is on the left and vice versa with the green one.

Last night i experienced a better sleep. I woke up at 4am this time but i try to get back to sleep again.The last time i checked the time it was 4.45am and the next thing i remember is that i heard the alarm clock at 7am.
From 4.45am until 7am i had a very shallow sleep but it was sleep.

Tuesday 10th of October

Before i tell u about the 2nd segment of my exercise routine i remember that i better tell u thatthe wieghts that i am using and even the resistance in the exercise bicycle are the result of a long time using them.First i started with tins of vegetables as wieght and the difficulty in the bike was very low at the begining.The main secret is to be able of addapting the objects that are there, only to help uto ur needs and not vice versa;I am not doing this in order to impress anybody,people might the impress with the result and night even think that it has been like this always but that is their problem(as it happens with all my social workers until now and mainly with the one i had just now, that was the image they got).

The 2nd segment is aa follows but we always need to think that i "use" the wheelchair as a tool for exercising.

1st i slide towards the front of the wheelchair in the middle of my day/living room and i rest with the top of my back on the back of the wheelchair and lifting the arm rests of the wheelchair i start by lifting the right leg first and then the left still bent and up for 15 times holding it for 4 seconds each and then i do the same with the left leg but 30 times (i told u before why is double on the left).Then i do lift my right leg and i extend it to the front and i retract it until i touch my bottom with the hill of the food that is slightly pointing up and i hold the ankle when i retract the leg with my left hand; I do this movement 15 times with the right leg and 30 with the oleft leg.The next exercise is by holding with the right hand the left hanlde on the back of the wheelchair while i tense the muscles in buttocks i do this for 23 times holding for 2 second each time however the the right hand on the left handle stays there for 6 times then goes the left hand onto the right handle for another 6 times and then the right arm goes behind the neck for 6 times also and then i do this movement with the left arm.

Once i finish this 2 exrecises done in the time of one i keep my legs bent and tight against my chest and i ask my carrer to check 1 minute.Finish this minute i do stretch my arms by twining the fingers of my hands together and doing 10 times in the front ,10 on the left and 10 on the right.Then i do stretch my arms but to the back of my body tilting the trunk forward a little bit only and i do 5 times in the front,5 on the left and 5 times on the right.

I finish this segment by puting down the arm rest if the wheelchair and by making the wheelchair to face the sofa athought about 60 cm away from it ;then i place my feet on the sofa but with as much separation between each other as i can and while holding with my left hand onto the wheelchair my right arm, and hand are in extention trying to touch as much as i can to reach the right foot for 5 seconds and then i do the same exercise but with the oposite arm and hand for 10 seconds and once finish i do it again with the right hand; I do this variation 5 times (remember i do 5 with the right and 10 with the left).With the same position of the wheelchair i get into a "normal"sitting position and then i do the final exercise in this egment that consists of with the legs bent but separated i lift my left foot and i leave it resting on my right knee for 20 seconds while pressing down the left knee down;then i do the same but with the opossite leg or foot but this time only for 10 seconds; again i do this variation 5 times.

Well this is my 2nd segment. It looks difficult if u havent done it but once ur body get use to it u can do all of this in between 20 minutes abd half an hour.

Remember that all the exercises i do for the last 7 years are the product of using my adaptation ability so anybody, absolutly anybody can do it wothout my guidance, i dont need to be there. In the same way i found out about it myself and i put it in practice(u dont need to find out about it cos i did) but, if u want, u can do it as well.

In order to start the week i will tell u how is gone so far the sleeping.On Friday and maybe cos of the little somke and perhaps i did eat a big pack of crisps(and the salt contant made me to retain the liquids in my body) i slept whole night without any problem.Saturday i slept most of the night and whenever i woke up within 5 minutes i was sleeping again like a "baby" but last night it happend the same story all over again;Instead of waking up at the regular 3.15am it was at 3.45am so half an hour later;Thinking i was going to have another night like i had on Saturday i tried to go back to sleep but after 1 hour and 3 quarters i "realise" that was not going to be the same night like saturday at all so i started to do my exercise routine.I dont know if this ia a sign of the moon growing or is just AIDS.Anyway i tell u tomorrow.

Monday 9th of October

Now i would like to introduce u into my living,day room.In this space i do spend most of my day.Usually from 9.45am to 9pm and in here i have my meals (breakfast,lunch,tea and dinner or supper), i do recieve my guests(usually my friends), i do navigate in the internet, talk on the phone mainly to Spain, i have in the evenings my footbath, i do all my daydreaming while still awake and i do most of my exercises outside bed.so what i call the quality of my rehabilitation is done here mostly cos there is another essential part to it that is done while sleeping or while in bed.

In this room as i say i do most of my exercising and i will exlplain them to u as much in the tell as possible.

I start every morning (mopnday to saturday only) by living bed around 9.45am(well on saturday is 10.15am) and i come into the living room when my carrer has converted the dinning table into a tool for my first exercise that consisting moving the wrist from left to right and right to left holding wheight of 1.1kg (2 and1/2 each).When i do this exercise my elbow always have to be resting on the table, i do it 10 mtimes with right hand each movment and then 20 on the left( this is cos as i told u before PML has wasted most of the muscles on the left side of my body so i do try to compensate). Once i finish this and while my elbow is still resting i do try to exercise the wrist by holding the wieght in the hand of 2.3kg or 5lb 10 times with a right hand and 20 with my left;the movment consist on lifting towards the hand with the weight and then resting it. After this one i leave the dinning table support and i try to rotate the elbow towards the right while my hand is still holding the weight(the last weight) first i move to the right 10 times then to the left and then up and down; and then i do everything the same but on my left hand and arm.

At this point i finish with the exercises involving a weight and my next exercise is one that involves the legs only.As you know i am always (unless in bed of course ) using a wheelchair so is essebtial for my rehab to use my legs AS MUCH AS POSSIBBLE and therefor my next exercise .First with my right leg and then with my left double the repetitions.While still in a sitting position i try to lift and straighten my right leg onto an arm of the chair or sofa for 5 times everytime i have it up i count to 10 and between those repetition i rest them in 90 digrees anlge by counting only to 5;This is done then to the left leg but instead of 5 times is 10 and instead of 10 secondsa up is 15 however when its resting its only 5.

This is the first segment of the 3 segments that are my exercise routine and i do this monday to saturday.The other 2 segments are done only monday to friday.

Now I am going to show you the list of the food supplement and hospital medication that i take; not as a way of telling you what to take but, only , as away of showing you that you can search and have whatever might be good in your cicurmstances since mine seems to be "one of a kind"

Morning
Male multiple 2
Vinpocentine ( periwinkle) 1
Olive leaf 1
atazanavir 2
Ritonavir 1
MSM 1000mg (methyl sulphonyl methane)

Afternoon
Neem leaf 2
Vinpocentine (periwinkle) 1
Fish oil 2
Male multiple 1
MSM 1000mg (methyl sulphonyl methane

Evening
Vinpocentine (Perwinkle) 1
Fish oil 3
Neem leaf 2
Olive leaf 1
MSM 1000mg (methyl sulphonyl methane

Bedtime
Melatonin 1

All of these i hope comes as a help to you but not as a recipe to follow. If I have managed to achieve it so you can too.

Everything that is interacting with our bodies is chemistry. this chemistry can be good or bad if it's more or less natural but its always chemistry, chemical reactions always.

For example neem leaf is a very good ayurvedic (it only means popular) medicine but should not be taken if you try to get children ( if you want to get or you want to make somebodty pregnant), nonetheless it is a very powerful anti viral. I found out about it listening to the radio. Olive leaf extract is also a very powerful anti viral "normally" used in conjuction with Estragalus but this latest one is like gingseng but should be taken only temporarily and only if your immune system is strong because it helps to duplicate the cell and if that cell is infected, with HIV for example, with a virus then you willo make the infection stronger: the first time i used it it worked in my favour but the second time against me so now I have only olive leaf extract. The first time i heard about it was in the T.V. programme "Richard and Judy" ( surprise,surprise) then i went into the internet and i found out all about it. Atazanavir and Ritonavir are what i call hospital medication against HIV, They are usually taken as part of what is known as combination therapy. In the morning that is when my stomach is empty I take 1 tablet of sacchare Boulardi that helps to rebuild the helpful bacteria in the gut. I also take food as medicine for example avocado rich in vitamin E, tomato and cranberry juice rich in vitamin C or brazil nuts ( i take 8 a day) rich in selenium, etc.....

In any case I am not a nutritionist/ditician so you can find one that is good for you or they dont want to sell you a product .

Usefull people fo this are the nutritionists from nutricentre ( tel. num.02074365122 ext 2) , nutritionist of Higher Nature ( tel. num. 08004584747) or a nutritionist based in brighton called Charllotte Wats (sorry I dont have her number any more).

I hope all this information can be of help to you.

Sunday 8th October

As a wooding rat born in the hour of the dragon (in the chinese astrology, of course all the symbols are ash tree so I am a witch but not a wizard, with the lucky positions inthe north east and south west) and as I told you before that as a doble Pisces i do try to have a peak at the big, very big indeed (could be described as immence picture; in which i see that the big bang (13.6 billion years ago); it is actually, something quite small compared with everything that it is; so for looking at human kind " in the big picture" we would need a very potent (maybe electronic) microscope. Because in proportion with everything else we live in a very "petiteness" scale. for example this quarrel that we have now about the role of religions inside society. For hundreds of years we had some religions that had to choose between being banished into a small corner or being "domesticated" and after all those many hundreds of years along came 1 religion that never had to choose between one thing or the other as it always "live" in countries that took it as a "way of life". However we have some "extreme and fundamental" people who use any excuse to promote their point of view and the excuse this time as many times before is religion. Once again religion is used as a smoke screen so we look at the screen and not at the people behind it but we cannot forget the "final" point of view in which in the creation plan we are small, very small indeed. Important yes but small!

saturday 7th october

yesterday afternoon Friday,since blogger .com had told me that they were doing essential repairs (?!) in this programme i didnt think it was possible for me to publish anything today but then after having the "little smoke" and being able of communicating well I published some more thoughts in the evening. Today i was thinking of publishing some clarification points however this morning in the post came the latest issue of AIDS Treatment Up-Date (ATU) from NAM publications (National AIDS Manual) that had 2 articles made me to get angry, so much that my creative juices went into heating up that unlike in modern kettles that when the liquid gets to boiling point they stopped but in my case this afternoon the creative juices got to boing point and continued heating up so much that they became steaming and made me like "fuming and incesed". This was because of 2 articles in which 1 was talking about alternative treatments but in its development was talking about hospital medication only on opposition to combination therapy that is also hospital medication. The next article was titled "Are you risking your health by using complementary therapies" in which they continued their usual damning of complementary therapies that has been the usual approach for the last 10 years more or less.

About 10 or 11 years ago, there were only less than 15% of people with HIV taking any hospital medication also called anti HIV combination therapy. The pharmaceutical industry in their patronising approach to healing thought that was not good enough so they changed "their economic policy and threw a lot of money into promoting how people who would take the medication from them would make their choice and at the same time "make" the doctors in the hospital to prescribe the medication so the government would spend all the funds for anti HIV in the NHS; so the few charity organisations left, would have to rely on them (the pharmaceutical industries) economically. A few were created then like The UK COALITION FOR PEOPLE LIVING WITH HIV AND AIDS and its own magazine POSITIVE NATION; there were other organisations like Terence Higgins Trust (THT) that had to assimilate other organisations to survive and had to accept as its mainly funding the money coming from pharmaceutical. The result is that today you have more than 80% of people living with HIV taking the anti HIV combination.

In June 2003 I stopped taking it ( the anti HIV medication) and i asked some people I thought "friends" to tell me if they knew any person who was not taking combination and was doing well or just doing, this "friend" told me that although he knew somebody he would not tell me because he thought of this action as dangerous. At the time he was the editor assisstant of Positive Nation and by this proof that he was not a " friend " of mine.I also tried to get that information from other sources like THT Direct only to find a wall of bricks and complete "silence. I stayed without combination therapy until Feb 2005 and I only went back into combination my money was running out. Once i got into the hospital medication again they took a blood test and my immune system shot up.

A few days ago I told you that in the 1st years of my diagnosis I gathered as much information as possible and that would be good advice from me to somebody who might be newly diagnosed to do so. I did the AIDS minitry course with an organisation called CARA Trust first as a participant and then as a facilitator (10 or 12 times); I took part also in the AIDS mastery workshop once as a participant and about 3 times as a helper, I even became one of their trustees in the steering committee called Northern Lights Trust but I soon discovered that most of them were a bunch devotees worshipping some of the leaders also called masters ; i, as well, took part in someting very valuable to me called the Menenergy weekend organised by a rather small charity still in existence called Positively Healthy. Although I am not anymore in close contact with them I am grateful to their work because it was through them that I really got to develop my alternative" way " of treating and looking after HIV. Though it is a shame that it advised only for gay "out" men. Their information has lot to offer to every gender and sexual orientation but because its creator, Cass Mann, is an Indian guy who happens to be gay they only do work with gay men but it could be good if somebody else ( not me ) made him to change his mind about this. So many people could benefit from an alternative approach into this "way" of healing HIV and perhaps in this way we could have magazines like ATU approaching complementary medicine like the approach "hospital mdication" medicine.

I keep dreaming!

This afternoon I had 1 of my irregular(in time not in shape, although it has been handmade...) , "pipes" and I thought something that changed my time keeping regarding writing this. In my "fabulous trip" I thought of a kind of T.v. programme (digital or otherwise) that would be very up to date. If anbody wants it do not blame me. In this programme we could have an abundant represantations of all the different religions in the country( roman catholic methodist, pentecostal, sani moslems, the other branch of islam that ido not remember how to spell,jews, hindus, pagans of all kinds,etc...) there could also be a coodinator and with every programme there would be in another room, a representative of every extreme and fundamental position regarding religion living with all the other religions in society.

One of the other things that I thought while I was in that "fabulous trip " was that it would be very good to be able to have the stuff without coughing so much; then I recall a conversation i had in the early hours of the afternoon Friday last week with a friend in Teneriffe Island in which he told me that there was in the market a machine in which you could smoke without coughing because it burnt the "grass" at very low temperatures at a cost of over £250 called something like volcano but , we both thought, that it was too expensive for getting high while I was in this high thought i remembered that i had something for people on medication anti HIV. This is a machine that I bought about 2 years ago at a cost of£350 (I think its a bit cheaper now) but despite its dear price it did exactly what it says and on top of it I gotrid of my peripheral neuropathy. I have been free of it for the last 2 years, great! This machine is called RADITEC or maybe spell RADITECH ( you can look for it in the inter net). Ths technology was born in cleaning nuclear station ( surprise Surprise!) from electromagnetic energy geodesc energyand it worked in my flat.

This afternoon I had 1 of my irregular(in time not in shape, although it has been handmade...) , "pipes" and I thought something that changed my time keeping regarding writing this. In my "fabulous trip" I thought of a kind of T.v. programme (digital or otherwise) that would be very up to date. If anbody wants it do not blame me. In this programme we could have an abundant represantations of all the different religions in the country( roman catholic methodist, pentecostal, sani moslems, the other branch of islam that ido not remember how to spell,jews, hindus, pagans of all kinds,etc...) there could also be a coodinator and with every programme there would be in another room, a representative of every extreme and fundamental position regarding religion living with all the other religions in society.

One of the other things that I thought while I was in that "fabulous trip " was that it would be very good to be able to have the stuff without coughing so much; then I recall a conversation i had in the early hours of the afternoon Friday last week with a friend in Teneriffe Island in which he told me that there was in the market a machine in which you could smoke without coughing because it burnt the "grass" at very low temperatures at a cost of over £250 called something like volcano but , we both thought, that it was too expensive for getting high while I was in this high thought i remembered that i had something for people on medication anti HIV. This is a machine that I bought about 2 years ago at a cost of£350 (I think its a bit cheaper now) but despite its dear price it did exactly what it says and on top of it I gotrid of my peripheral neuropathy. I have been free of it for the last 2 years, great! This machine is called RADITEC or maybe spell RADITECH ( you can look for it in the inter net). Ths technology was born in cleaning nuclear station ( surprise Surprise!) from electromagnetic energy geodesc energyand it worked in my flat.

Last night i had the same rpoblem again but once u are diagnosed with AIDS is something that u gat use to it.I woke up at 3.11am and after tossing and moving at around 4.10am i startyed to do some exercises and by 5.15am i was in the land of NOD.
Tomorrow i will not post any text cos this website informed me that they were doing some "update" on the site.What means this is a mistery to me but in this case i just go with the flow. So i will speak with u again on Sunday( i imagine that i am talking to a very polite gentlemen/sorry ladies but i am homosexual)

This website a complete mass.One day u think u can do something when u realise u can do another be and only to discover the following day that even that one is not good for this site.
I am trying to guess what language it may be in which the lay out is like this and i am sorry to tell u that i have not found it yet but i keep trying.

Friday 6th of October

I am going to introduce u now into my second bedroom; this is my bedroom and as u can see it has only one single bed so i am not sharing it with anybody(Ha,ha,ha...my joke,SORRY!-i wish).

It is in here where i do the rest of the bed exercises where i listen to radio once i finish them in the morning and i listen to it again before i fall asleep and sometimes i will listen to it in the middle of the night if i wake up. As u can see i had a bonsai but these photos were taken on monday, today is friday and i took the decision to part company with the bonsai,cos it was dead yesterday.According with the book i told u yesterday ("sacred space" by Dennis Linn) thisd i9s thwe room corespondent to family ancestors so i had enough dead people in my room already(ha,ha,ha, another joke SORRY!).Cos the bed is electric athught u can not see it now it helps me very much to do my final part in the exercise rutine that is once i finish the hands and arms exercises i sit up in the bed (ah! by the way, i nearly forgot the towel that u see by the end of the bed oce is folded 5 times i use it as my pillow) to do the next position that is closing my right leg ont5o the left one and with it bent with my left arm i push it towards my left and i count to 20 so after this crossing leg i do the same crossing with the left leg on top of the right one;After this usually i cross my legs like the native american indians and i do now what is the reflexology pressure on the rtip of the fingers and then the vision therapy holding each finger, this exercise usually take between 20-40 minutes each rutine so would be about 40-80 minutes in total but my minimum time is on 14 minutes each.Once i have finished this i do 2 more that are for inproving my speech, the first one is having the lips like before making a face like you are sad u move the lips to ur left and then right holding each time for about 3 seconds;This next exercise i got it from my yesteryears when i was thinking to become an actor,a classical one and in the classical training there was pronenciation that i did use piano and a metronom, the first time we went into a stage we had to speak using verse and i ordwer to pronaunce and speak clearly enough we were told the way of warming up the voice that could be used i only ver,very speringly that was to put a long peice of a cylinder like a empty shell of a pen or ur own index finger and then u had to talk a little bit with that find under ur tongue, i would make u to speak nonsense while u had it in the mouth but u would speak very well after, the reason to use it very few times only was cos there are muscles(like the tongue) that will get acosumte of it if it was used more often but since i was speaking really badly anyway i thought that would not do me any harm.The result was good i think or i hope.

Next i will put the towel that is making my pillow onto the end of the bed, open and that inclination of the upper body together with having the legs crossed like a native american indian would help me to do my next exercise that is to amke the shuolder plates to get together in my back of course;this is an exercise i took from Madonna's rutine to keep her breats up and youthfull.From this position i rest my back against the matterace and with the palms of my hands resting on my tights facing upwards i try to breath ni and out 10 times holding the braeth out for about 4-5 seconds(i found out that this is a very exercise against the llipodistrophy that is usualy caused by the hospital medication.Still with the legs cross i go into do would i would be called a "buddha position" in which with my left hand resting on the thigh and facing upwards i join the small finger with the anular, the middle one touching the center of the palm and the index and thumb touch on the tip of the fingers while the right hand is held up in facing the end of the bed and then cos my lounges has been extended with the previous exercise i do pronaunce the sylabus "om" but dividing that into O and M;been the O sound six times then i do combine the OM once after which i do M only 6 times and i finish with combining again with OM.This exercise i do cos it give with the vabration of the sounds an internal masaage to the thymus glant but i discovered that the vibrations resonate in more patrs of the body so when i do them i also think of the kidneys.The affect of the internal massage when u do singing or shanting was disovered about 5 years ago by german scientist.

From this i go into lifting my arms and hands above my head pronauncing a few consonants from the alphabet that i have more difficulties with(i discover the ones i need by working with a speech therapist).Once i finish this one i close my hands into a feats and i thank whoever might helping me from another realm.

I conclude this individual set of exercises with 2 more positions.One position is by sliding the foot of my left leg up the right leg 5 times and then the other leg vice versa( of course i have finished the cross leged position).Finally i turn over on the bed and i lay on my stomach when i try to lift each leg for about 5 seconds 10 times ;then i hold my foot with the hands still laying on the stomach and i count to 20;and i finish this position with doing something that i call sun taning cos when we happened to be on the beach and we want to be tanned on the back we can lay flat or if we tend to be nosy like me we may want to know what hapends close by and we my lift the upper part of the body holding it with the elbows and i count 20 again.

After all of this and the ones that i told u about few days before i wait for the arrival of my morning carrer that help me to do more exercises(after a while u get use to this rutine dont worry)in which he stretch the achilles tendo in both feet, then pulls each leg for 10 second 3 times(sorry as the previous exercise) and finally when i am still laying he stretches up my left leg whileholding the other down with his right hand and then vice versa(again 3 times 10 sec each).This is my exercise rutine with Andy monday to friday only.On weekends i have Betty and with her i do giriating clock wise the hill in each leg ten 10 times and then when i turn over on the bed she does the same movement but on my knees.The once i do for myself i told u before that i do them monday to friday only but this is not true cos io do them mon-saturday and then on sundays i do ashortcut version that last about 1 hour only.

I told u before that the date for the full moon was sunday the 8th but about 40 minutes ago i heard on the radio(program PM on radio4) that the full moon is 2moro friday the 6th but to ur suprise we are both right.How is that possible?Because the full moon everytime last 3 days and therefor starts on friday the 6th and finishes on sunday the 8th.I also found out that this is the bioggesat and the brightest moon in a whole year called Harvest Moon.

I am trying to edit what i wrote together iwith the photos but the pjotos seems to be going one way and the text another i don't know if this is due to our incapacity to know how or the website is not allowing us to do so. So until i get the "know" of it i do apologise to u for the style that it apears this blog.Bear with me while i try.SORRY!

Thursday 5th of October

Yesterday i welcomed u into my home and indeed u are very welcome.However there is always however u need to agree to 2 things being change of name.First change is the word imagination for creativity;everything u are going to face from now on is creativity mine or from other people. The word imagination is not dead but is been used for other people not for me. The othe rchange is the word dependency for disability;I was trying to think in the rights of disable people (my case) and i thought that the best way for disable rights to be uknowledge by "body able people" would be if everybody was classified as disable but since this word seems to be offensive to some people i thought to change it for another one; At the same time of thinking procce3ss i was engaged with the wrong name of one of the agencies that gives me money call Independent Living Fund(ILF) but nobody is independent this is a carrot with stick policy in which the people that "administrate " our lifes tell us that our goal is to achive independece in our life ,well if u think about it doesn't exist cos everyone and everything is dependent on everyone or everything else.So in this way i found my word to swap for the word disability and i don't have everybody disable i just call them dependent and in this way i don't offend, i don't think so,anybody.

Apart from this last night i had the same situation but a little bit different then the nights before.If u remember i was waking up over 3am but last night i woke up at 4.29am.The reason for this is that i changed the temperature in the thermostate from 23 to 20 but i also found another reason completly out of the blue. Yesterday evening i asked my main carrer to read me the horoscope from the newspaper and amount other things the horoscope in the paper was saying that the mooon was on my sign(i am pisces with pisces on ascendent so double pisces) and i got interested into this info cos i know that the moon can influence our behaviour; in this way i fopund out that we have the full moon on the sunday the 8th so this means that "maybe" the reason why i am not sleeping so well the moon is affecting me cos is growing.

This is the room that really gain me over when i first to see this flat in january 2002.Because i thought that it would be great to have a second bedroom so i could have a leaving in carrer. But those were my hopes and dreams and the reality was that the room is far too small for that purpose and when the live in carrer(first the first one and then the second one) live in that small space for over one month the quality of their job went down the hill very fast and i couldn't understand why.

Well first i have to consider that i apreciate very much my own space that i decorate to my own like and dislike and secondly i have to consider that they were made feeling short change, cos they were having a good money but they were not eonjoying them at all.The first one tried to live his life outside the working space and the second one took the working space as his own but only when i was not here so "my" home became a shared house.

For over 3 years i couldnt find a purpose to this room after thefailure of it as accomodation for the live in carrers and i finally found it in the last two months.I think i got the real purpose of it now.

In this room i share the exercise bicycle,plants that would be leaving under the canape in the jungle so they would not have much light, one shelving unit used as a storage space for my food supplementation and some food like organic brazil nuts and the place where i have my altar dedicated to my protective spirits(mainly Quetzacoatl, another day i will explain u all about this one).So this room that is in the place of health according with some house plan that i found in the book called "Sacred Space" by Denise Linn and is working as such.As a door i have a bedad african curtain and i have 2 buddhist fabrics that go very well with the image of this.

I use the bicycle as exercise mostly for my legs but i find out it improves my coorsdination and my heart since it is a cardiovascular static bicycle that i use for 20 minutes everytime at the maximum difficulty after 2 years of using it.My assistant Andy who is a physiotherapist titled in Poland but to my benefits he is not here help me to put the seat of the bicycle at the right distance from the pedals sao my legs are doing the proper exercising."I sweat like a pig".

The bicycle execise i do it on the days i have a shower aqnd before doing bicycle i have six munites exercises inside the bathroom standing up.First 3 minutes errect with no support anywhere and after this two 90 seconds sequences in which holding with my hands onto zimmer frame,First i lift the left leg on backwards and my PA holds foot that is touching the bum(so i bend backwards) and then the right one.I believe this exercise is very good to stretch the harmstrings.

Before this i brush my mouth (not just the teeth but the whiole mouth) and i wash my hands. I do this twice a day. I found out that it is very good for keeping any infection away to wash ur hands at least twice a day with an anti bacterial gel(natural).

Wednesday 4th of October

Last night i woke up, again, soon after 3am and as usual soon i started to do my exercises in order to fall asleep.The difference this time is that ,that half an hour made me to see the situation from another angle.Now i think i know why i wake up usually at the same time everynight.Last friday,because the temperatures during the night started get colder i asked my morning carrer to put 1 blunket in the bed and i also started having the thermostate on 23 C during night.So before i was with no blunket on the bed and the temperature during the night on my thermostate was 20C.Here lays, i think,the problem and it solution.

Today i remember to get to the commentaries some people left in this blog from the 25th of september.I had two and i thank u for them.One was for giving me uncaragement,thank you very much;the other one was for offering me some offer meaning saving money, well thank u also but if u people have any spear cash or idea on how to save money give that to somebody else not me, i do apreciate money very much but the whole idea of doing this in a blog and not in a book is that people can excess their inforamtion without having to pay for it.There are many ways in which people may get out money from other people, i dont want to follow this path ,thank u very much.My path is to give "power" back to people and this "power" is understood as money or knowledge or abilities; if the "spirit world" had any intention of making my life to be dedicated to help others would not give me only the abilities i have but also the means to have that kind of life.

Some days ago i sad that i would explain more about my diagnostic(PML).Progressive Multivocal Lucchoencephalothopy in short PML is something that until now was considered only as a side effect by the medical proffesion; so that is why there is not much known about it. Using the internet i search Ireland,Canada,USA,New Zealand and Australia in order to find a possible "cure" treatment for it without success and since i knew that nobody knows anything in this countryi had to find the "hope" within myself and "hope" i have a lot but as i discovered lately "hope" is something that most disable people have in their daily living.Of course there is experimental treatment for it called something like CIDOVOVIR; this is traditionally, somethiong used against CNV(toxoplasmosis).

PML is caused by virus called JC(i dont know what it stands for,sorry!)that leaves in the kidneys in everybody and when their immune system is lower by many means like organ transplant then this JC virus goes from the kidneys into the spine that is nothing else but a solid prolongation of the brain, goes into the brain through the spine and causes all the damage.In a nut shell this is all the inforamation about it.However in my particular case the virus called JC stopped in the lower part of the brain called the cerevelum and nobody knows why.So when i had the brain biopsy done on my head the neurologist couldnt find anything in my brain that was causing my damage.But then the HIV specialist in the Royal London Hospital/Whitechapel sad that i have PML and cos at that time i was so much full of fear i accepted it.

Well i have done something today i have told u about PML.

I only have left now that if u have followed my writing so far without getting bored i can welcome u into my home.

.........................................................................................................................................................................

A few minutes ago from now I was talkingwith a "new" friend of mine and one little story came out at the end of our talking that i feel i needto put here before i forget.

The elves never left this world.Is only that we(human kind) forgot how to communicate with them.They are as they were looking after the trees and have been here since before them.Whatever they might have to communicate with us maight apear as new when in reality is old, very old.

Through out the ages they have apeared to us(human kind) as magic spirits and sometimes like angels or even faries.This only to show us that they are more versatile in their physical apearence that what we might think.We are the ones that need to put things in boxes but they dont feet into any of them;so cos of this we forgot everything about them and about all how to communicate with them.

Our fold, our lose but is never to late to continue where we left(the communication I mean).