Sunday 22nd October

"EVERYTHING IN EXCESS IS BAD, EVEN THE GOOD"

This is the opening line of an Italian film (SALO-THE 120 DAYS OF SODOMA) by Pierre Paolo Passolini that was a movie director in the same group of creativity than Visconti or Fellini and this group in which there were other many influential directors is the one that Bertolucci.

"EVERYTHING IN EXCESS IS BAD EVEN THE GOOD"

this is my beginning today because i tend to do the opposite. I am a Pisces ( double pisces) and this is represented by two fishes swimming in opposite directions so this , usually, means that pisces people, and this incudes me, have it all one way or all the way;i need to "work" in the middle path. For example when i was "enjoying" mysself i didn't pay attention to my (future) health, now i pay all the attention to health but only until very recently i was not paying attention to my enjoyment in life; perhaps this "change" is a direct result of my suicide attempt. From January i started to dress, again, as if i were going "out" although as you know i don't do it just "yet"; I started to pay more attention to the food i enjoy eating but with healthy ingredientsbut before i was eating very healthy things and i did't pay attention to its flavour. so before i was "dressing " and "living"as a very sick man, that i am indeed, now i am putting all emphasis in whatever life i have got left, hopefully a very long one, I enjoy it but not as Alfredo but as Elfrid and by this i mean accepting 100% now who and what I am now but living the life as much as I can within the new limitations (i am still trying to find out those limits). This does not mean that I do not want the RIGHT TO DIE, it means only that i do not intend to die or to kill myself again, for the moment anyway!

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Yesterday i mentioned that I am intolerant among many other foods to cows milk but this is not written on stone. Certainly I do not have milk from cows at all ( the only milk I have is rice milk) but i do have dairy products such as gouda cheese ( 3 meals a week), organic or "live" yorghut (something you need to know something about "live" yorghut; it is, most certainly, "live"when it is packed but when you get it from the supermaket shelf it is not; wht the supermarket people do not tell you is that that pot of "live" sometimes called BIO, yorghut has been transported refrigerated and transported again so when you put it in your mouth it is still very good but not live or alive) andsome home made kefir (the "seeds of this one i bought them through the internet so you cannot have the excuse of not knowing where to get them; this was my excuse anyway!) .