Saturday the 12th of January 2008
First it was on Wednesday afternoon then I though that it was a good idea to watch it again on Thursday and Thursday became also Friday but today I will watch ZORBA the Greek with Antony Quinn; the movie that I am reffering to that I watched for three cosequtive days is Mar Adentro that I wanted to watch because it was telling the story of a tetraplegic in North West of Spain who after 28 years of being disabled managed to (with the help of his friends of course) commit suicide or I might say, kill himself. I wanted to watch it because I wanted to know somebody elses insighd (therefore the tiltle Mar Adentro) into what was moving him to do such a thing; however I watched the film for the first time looking at it from a technical point of view and I was noticing some little technical "heacups" but within half of an hour of watching the movie (it lasts for two hours) I was inside the story and I became totaly captive of it, so much that I am even writing about it now.
However the story is not about the disabled person but somebody from the outside trying to build the whole story and the main character becomes just a characcter, a main one ,of course,but ony a character.
It is a bit to late to say that I want to know that person as its been more than 11 years since he died but what I feel that has been shown in the film is a very no need to die but from the political and ideological point of view of those who do not need to kill themselves it is totaly plausible.
I dont want to judge that other disabled person since I dont want other people to judge me neither but of course I find myslef doing what everybody else would do, I end up judging him (sorry !).
In the moment we start "dream" that we receive life from our parents when we are born (quite unelaborate way of "coming" into "life" but we need that precisely) we might think that we arrive with a "pack of cards" (follow me fora while please!) and then in the transcourse of the living we become disabled we realize that we had been playing a particular "game" with that pack of cards, a game that nealry everybody plays so I cannot find any fault with this; all we need to do after a long while, as it seems it is in my case, is to "play" another game but not the destroy the "pack of cards" and this is what this gentleman did, I think. Of course there is a similar explanation for those who were born disabled but I have not that situation so I dont look into it, perhaps I will because I find incredibly fascinating life being disabled not good at all, not nice but this evaluation is from the old game I was playing before becoming disabled, of course; unfortunately, much that I try, I dont live isolated I live in contact with some other people so if I decide to change the game to play with those" cards " I end up having to convince those other people to change that game also and this is not a easy task. Actually this is the proces I am going through at the moment I am ending those friendships that I had with some of my few left friends because they keep playing a game that I cannot play anymore no if I want to keep alife and we need to think that I tried to kill myself already becuase I wanted to play that precised game and of course I cant not anymore; so in a way I was where this guy was because I had not been succesful in my trying and I am teryfied of dying, anyway (the dream, the FEAR in the dream !) .
There is something relevant to the analysys of this movie that I am doing that I found out in my "recovery" with A.A. and this is that I need to keep a good image, presentation, looks when I introduce myself to other people so what it means now is that in order to ask other people to play a different game I need to present myself as a plyer of that "new" game so this is why I end up looking "dropted gorgeus". Once I achieved this healthy looks, healthy image, I find myslef that people that still play the old game that I was playing before fall into the trap of thinking that I might do it in order to have physical contact with them and this is the other point that I want to make about the judgement that is not judgemental of the disabled person depicted in the movie "Mar Adentro"; He talked in the movie about the imposibility to love and I dont agree with him at all. When I was in my twenties I would agree with him because all I was doing was physical and metal sex sometimes with some "drops" of emotions more because of the other partner than me (by this I mean I was using emotions in order to accomodate my partners needs) but now I find things different maybe (oh well I am really sure) because of the new game that I need to play in order to stay alife. I find that in the sound/action to "love" there are four angles or perspectives, one corner is physical and it needs to use the next corner to it called mental and only sometimes may need to use a corner called emotions but in the 15 years that I have been having sex with other people I can say that I never used the other and last corner that its there but I never used it and this one is called spiritual; so to recap we have four persepctives physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. When two people meet and end up making love to each other we find those four perspective (at the best of times) but when we are talking disability and the inability to love somebody or to be loved by somebody we maybe talking of something that is physical, metal and perhaps emotional but usually never spiritual (well sometimes we can find in very religious people that they do the spiritual and emotional but without physical nor mental sides as its not permited by their religion). I find myself waiting for the spiritual touch but I wait and wait and wait ... Well I am homosexual and homosexual people live with the physicality mostly so what do I expext. So because of this belief or shall I call it certainty that I have I dont agree with person depicted in the picture and his final Solution. We see a moment in the picture with his body as it was after 26 years of being disabled and its not a pretty image to look at so how could anybody want to make love with him and how could he, being as careful of others as he was, wanted to disclose his body image to anybody in order to make love so it was easier for him to say " ...oh I cannot love you might but I cant ..."
As I said I hAVE WATCHED THIS MOVIE three times already and I will keep it because I can think of many more times in which I will again.
First it was on Wednesday afternoon then I though that it was a good idea to watch it again on Thursday and Thursday became also Friday but today I will watch ZORBA the Greek with Antony Quinn; the movie that I am reffering to that I watched for three cosequtive days is Mar Adentro that I wanted to watch because it was telling the story of a tetraplegic in North West of Spain who after 28 years of being disabled managed to (with the help of his friends of course) commit suicide or I might say, kill himself. I wanted to watch it because I wanted to know somebody elses insighd (therefore the tiltle Mar Adentro) into what was moving him to do such a thing; however I watched the film for the first time looking at it from a technical point of view and I was noticing some little technical "heacups" but within half of an hour of watching the movie (it lasts for two hours) I was inside the story and I became totaly captive of it, so much that I am even writing about it now.
However the story is not about the disabled person but somebody from the outside trying to build the whole story and the main character becomes just a characcter, a main one ,of course,but ony a character.
It is a bit to late to say that I want to know that person as its been more than 11 years since he died but what I feel that has been shown in the film is a very no need to die but from the political and ideological point of view of those who do not need to kill themselves it is totaly plausible.
I dont want to judge that other disabled person since I dont want other people to judge me neither but of course I find myslef doing what everybody else would do, I end up judging him (sorry !).
In the moment we start "dream" that we receive life from our parents when we are born (quite unelaborate way of "coming" into "life" but we need that precisely) we might think that we arrive with a "pack of cards" (follow me fora while please!) and then in the transcourse of the living we become disabled we realize that we had been playing a particular "game" with that pack of cards, a game that nealry everybody plays so I cannot find any fault with this; all we need to do after a long while, as it seems it is in my case, is to "play" another game but not the destroy the "pack of cards" and this is what this gentleman did, I think. Of course there is a similar explanation for those who were born disabled but I have not that situation so I dont look into it, perhaps I will because I find incredibly fascinating life being disabled not good at all, not nice but this evaluation is from the old game I was playing before becoming disabled, of course; unfortunately, much that I try, I dont live isolated I live in contact with some other people so if I decide to change the game to play with those" cards " I end up having to convince those other people to change that game also and this is not a easy task. Actually this is the proces I am going through at the moment I am ending those friendships that I had with some of my few left friends because they keep playing a game that I cannot play anymore no if I want to keep alife and we need to think that I tried to kill myself already becuase I wanted to play that precised game and of course I cant not anymore; so in a way I was where this guy was because I had not been succesful in my trying and I am teryfied of dying, anyway (the dream, the FEAR in the dream !) .
There is something relevant to the analysys of this movie that I am doing that I found out in my "recovery" with A.A. and this is that I need to keep a good image, presentation, looks when I introduce myself to other people so what it means now is that in order to ask other people to play a different game I need to present myself as a plyer of that "new" game so this is why I end up looking "dropted gorgeus". Once I achieved this healthy looks, healthy image, I find myslef that people that still play the old game that I was playing before fall into the trap of thinking that I might do it in order to have physical contact with them and this is the other point that I want to make about the judgement that is not judgemental of the disabled person depicted in the movie "Mar Adentro"; He talked in the movie about the imposibility to love and I dont agree with him at all. When I was in my twenties I would agree with him because all I was doing was physical and metal sex sometimes with some "drops" of emotions more because of the other partner than me (by this I mean I was using emotions in order to accomodate my partners needs) but now I find things different maybe (oh well I am really sure) because of the new game that I need to play in order to stay alife. I find that in the sound/action to "love" there are four angles or perspectives, one corner is physical and it needs to use the next corner to it called mental and only sometimes may need to use a corner called emotions but in the 15 years that I have been having sex with other people I can say that I never used the other and last corner that its there but I never used it and this one is called spiritual; so to recap we have four persepctives physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. When two people meet and end up making love to each other we find those four perspective (at the best of times) but when we are talking disability and the inability to love somebody or to be loved by somebody we maybe talking of something that is physical, metal and perhaps emotional but usually never spiritual (well sometimes we can find in very religious people that they do the spiritual and emotional but without physical nor mental sides as its not permited by their religion). I find myself waiting for the spiritual touch but I wait and wait and wait ... Well I am homosexual and homosexual people live with the physicality mostly so what do I expext. So because of this belief or shall I call it certainty that I have I dont agree with person depicted in the picture and his final Solution. We see a moment in the picture with his body as it was after 26 years of being disabled and its not a pretty image to look at so how could anybody want to make love with him and how could he, being as careful of others as he was, wanted to disclose his body image to anybody in order to make love so it was easier for him to say " ...oh I cannot love you might but I cant ..."
As I said I hAVE WATCHED THIS MOVIE three times already and I will keep it because I can think of many more times in which I will again.
posted by Elfrid Walkingtree at 4:40 AM
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