Sunday, 9 March 2008

This afternoon I watched for the 3rd time the TV film ANGELS IN AMERICA. The first time I watched it on Channel 4, 3 years ago, more or less, and my inner reaction then was of astonishment to see that such a subject with very edgy characters had been shown on national TV but maybe the TV audience was more grown up that what I thought then; about 2 weeks ago i watched it for the 2nd time and this weekend (on Saturday I watched the first half and today the second) i watched it for the 3rd time. The second time I watched it I cried a lot and I was hoping that the character played by Al Pacino could be a little bit nasty; however this weekend as I watched it for the 3rd time I didn't cry a single tear and then I realised that most of the people in the outside world from my flat are nastier that the character played by Al Pacino. Of course, everyone has a justification for being the way they are, and I might see them as nasty, but they don't see themselves as such. It hurts me though that some people who came into close contact with me in the last 10 years might think i am nasty when in reality I don't think that of myself. So, we have me thinking that people are nasty when they don't think so and people thinking that I am nasty when I don't think so. Here we have a conflict and this is what TV movie was all about - conflict. And it took me 3 watchings and an emotional detachment to see that from TV movie.
About 19 days ago i watched a movie that was produces many, many years ago called IT'S MY PARTY in which the main character to my big surprise had a classic case of PML; so this is the reason why I don't know anybody with PML, because they all die; the main character in this movie killed himself out of fear of dying a horrible death that PML gives whoever has it. Luckily or unluckily (depends on how I look at it) my PML is not the classical one but nonetheless watching this movie gave me an anger that I didn't know existed within me. This anger went into frustration. Frustration from watching IT'S MY PARTY and annoyance coming from disgust that was given to me from watching ANGEL IN AMERICA produces this blog.
I was waiting until 20 March to mention the movie IT'S MY PARTY and perhaps I will still do but after today's feelings i had to talk about it.