I am sure Wenday 26Th of March

I do not want you to get the wrong idea about the people I have as carers for the last 10 years. Most certainly I am very gratefully to all the people that in one way or an other look after me for this Lent of time but although some few people were carers as such, most of them that got the job were just looking for a job no wanting to do care work specifically.

Now for you to judged I will paste the ad that I place whenever I look for a carer.

My name is Elfrid Walkingtree I am a gay man of 48 years of age (gay in life-style and in my sexuality but the applicant needs to be helping me with life-style only), HIV positive (19 years since diagnosis) with brain damage -P.M.L.(speech difficulty not able of walking, writing nor reading, registered partially blind and nor hands dexterity), wheelchair user and house bound, living in North Kensington area of London (so applicants must live locally). Seeks personal assistant in home care legally self employed (this will change to becoming employee in the future) with a UK bank account and with a minimum 6 months experience( this experience needs to be if possible from no agency work) in a similar kind of job (personal assistance in home care). The commitment with this job is for six months to a year minimum, possibly two years or more. Male or female but preferably male (since the job implies working in the evenings it is better if a man does it as it is not too safe, unfortunately, for a woman to end work late having to travel far away to her home), The minimum age required is of 20 years old, non smoker (healthy in general), good personal hygienic presence (not only for the interview but everyday), very patient(caring but not smothering) and being able of working in their own (alone) . Timetable is as follows: Monday 9:00AM till 2:30PM, Tuesday 9:30 AM till 2:30PM and then 7:00PM till 10:00PM, Wednesday 9:30AM till 14:30PM , Thursday 9:00Am till 2:30PM , Friday 9:30 AM till 2:30PM and Saturday 10:00AM till 3:00PM and then 7PM till 10PM, making a total of 37 hours per week ( please note that this is not a living in position ) . Starting salary £10p/h (this salary includes any extra time like hospital appointments). The job consists mainly of cleaning, reading(very important), cooking and as I am at home all the time using the computer by the carer this 'use' needs to be very good and applicants command of English language needs to be also very good (No for themselves for the somebody also). Training in the job will be provided by the PA that is leaving, for one week only. Starting on Monday the 10Th of March; if interested you can call me between the hours of 10am and 8pm on 02089608239. No agencies, please.

As you can see I am quiet clear about everything regarding me, my circumstances, needs and what I do require from the applicant.

Well I got people applying for the job from Germany, Poland, Ibiza, Hungary, the Philippines, Sao paulo(Brasil), Birmingham, Mexico and so on and on. I make quiet clear that the command of English language needs to be good and I get people that because they are good in academies of English or they are defending quiet well speaking English in the streets of London they think they will be good enough for working here and then they found that my English is so good that they might think I was born here or even studied here when I have done neither, is only that my cultural level is very good; they could see this when they come for the interview but instead of getting this idea they think that I got money because I look healthy, I dress well and I know how to decorate my home and so they think that is no style just that I am rich ( two very different things in my experience)

About three weeks ago I watched in '4ON DEMAND' the first program of 'MY BEST NEW FRIEND' and I realise that short of killing somebody or having sex that they don't like some people will do absolutely anything for money so no wonder that they get this job without looking at the 'job'.

They has to be a balance for everything. Many thousands years ago we were given the TAO on it was something that we call YING AND YANG that although we have two words for it is only one single thing; so in the perspective of CARERS I need to give you the other side also. Some of the people that were here (very few, maybe three or four) describe how I treat them as if I was talking to a slave and, well, the reality for me is very different but to be fair maybe how I look and sound(let's face it I'm a big guy looking healthy and fit and my knowledge compare to that of them often is quiet good) very arrogant and quiet despotic but of cause I cannot ask the great majority of those people to use the word DESPOT as is not in their vocabulary so they use the very distressing (for me) word SLAVE.

We have the reality of somebody who's paid very well to do a job and then we have the reality of somebody who's not paid to do that job and is telling them how to do it, on top of that is totally disable having great difficulty in speaking as part of the all package of disability; and here we have the critic situation in which one feels damaged by the other and the other feels damaged as well.

When I speak so loud I am expressing frustration and perhaps comes also anger.

For quiet a few years I did take counseling or psychotherapy, NLP, Soul Retrieval (part of my shamanic training), soft classical music and everything else you can imagine in order to tame my anger only to discover at the hand that is more frustration then anger.

When you stop taking recreational drugs (in here I include alcohol and tobacco) because you are an addict you discover a part of yourself that lied hidden within you that most non-addict people manage to keep under control; this side of you is what I call your dark side (no of the Moon) that is necessary for becoming a human being as the light side (well in my experience); this is what comes out in recovering addicts when they have to go the 'extra mile'.

So again all in all I have to be very great full to all those people that have helped me for the last ten years and let me say thank you to the ones I have not met yet and I will meet.