Friday the 15th of December

Two things i forgot yesterday about the huge deep crisis that i had last thursday the 7th.The PCT(Primary Care Trust) that was taking care of my case since march 2002 more or less decided not to found my time away in the hospice any more all cos they run out of money i call this mismanagment and cos my succesive social workers without finding out what i was doing in the hospice decided to call this time respite that if u look in the dictionary is pretty simular to rehabilitation but for the PCT seems to be closer to holiday so this is why they decided to stop its funding in my case but what they didnt realise is that as i am house bound this decision m,eans that i become a prisoner in my own home.This would be somehow ( not very easily but i can manage) managable if it wasnt cos ILF( independent living fund )every 2 years comes to "terrorise" me(well they call it checking to see if i have spend their money wisely), do i need this no i dont but i have it anyway and every 2 years more or less they reduce the money they pay me cos( i think) Tony Blair needs money for his wars...

Changing subject last wednesday i found out that my therapeutic colour is green and that i am an extroverted green.I continue reading the book GUT INSTINCT BY Pierre Pallardy i find most inlluminating and interesting in thwe sense that ia m, getting a completly new side into my recovery in which i see that everything in moderation is much better... However life is putting us on extremes constantly for example according to God bless our wellfare state if u look sick althought you my not be it gives u help but if u dont look like sick althought u are sorry u are on ur own or i better say i am getting in my own very slowly but knowing that ia m a sick as at the begining only that i look not sick.

I hope to have better thoughts next week.