Wednesday the 31st of October
Now that is left one month,more or less, until World AIDS Day I will continue writing in the blog . I have not put my mind to continue writing because in the last six or seven months since my last post I have had a very busy time in which I was completely and utherly shaken by many different things but I can see that the all had a purpouse and that was to make me to move because I was becoming completely paralised although I was doing many things.
A shocking incident happend at the begining of April; On Friday 6th of April my main carer went off for the weekend to come back on Monday morning but he never came back the suprising was that I didn't panic and I did take it very calmly indeed and in four days I had a new carer. Considering that the weekend of the 7th and 8th of April I was finishing with one carer for the weekend and a new one was starting for friday the 13th bad luck very bad indeed but I didn't pay much importance to it. But it did not work so I had to find somebody else also for the weekend still remarkly for me no paniking I was getting over everything and without a sign of alteration; was I really changed?
On Wednesday the 2nd of May I checked my bank acc and I found that somebody had taken without my knowledge 100 pounds; this was done soon (3 or 4 mins ) after my carer left my company and very nearby of course I reported it to social services and to the police who made a report; On the telphone I told my carer who denied it but then when he came to my home for working he admited it. Still very calm while shock that I was cooping with incredible calm little know what was just aroud the corner waiting for me.
On Sunday the 6th of May my mother in Spain had a terrible encouter with a bicycle and was taken to the local hospital but with no apparent damage in her body and absolutely everybody was quite suprised when very peacefully for it waiting for a scanner in the local hospital she had a heart attack and died. Well this made it. I was completely an aterly shaking, shattered by the news; Thank God for the telephone. Although the bereavement the main process with me took only two or three days I am still being moved by the after shock waves of such an emotional "earth quake". And from time to time dark clouds gather round me and sometimes make me say stupid things that I blame to my forma acoholism and drug use and other times makes me to change everything I was considering , for a few days , for example the relation between origin and future or as well my own living at the moment having the rehabilitation was paramount and now I am considering that maybe I am going to be this disabled for ever although there is always Hope but I am not waiting for it to appear if it comes I will be more than ready (that much has not changed) but I will not be waiting for it to appear at the "door". I have thought that I might be taking pictures of the exercising I do and I can publish them here in this blog ; this is because about three or four weeks ago I took some pictures of myself for sending to Spain to show people in there that I am well and that they need not to worry (not too much anyway); I was quite happy with the result of those pictures I looked sexy and I am starting to feel it too.So I think the exercises I do among all the other things can be responsible for that.
In anycase now that I have started to write here again I will not give it up so easily (I hope!).
Now that is left one month,more or less, until World AIDS Day I will continue writing in the blog . I have not put my mind to continue writing because in the last six or seven months since my last post I have had a very busy time in which I was completely and utherly shaken by many different things but I can see that the all had a purpouse and that was to make me to move because I was becoming completely paralised although I was doing many things.
A shocking incident happend at the begining of April; On Friday 6th of April my main carer went off for the weekend to come back on Monday morning but he never came back the suprising was that I didn't panic and I did take it very calmly indeed and in four days I had a new carer. Considering that the weekend of the 7th and 8th of April I was finishing with one carer for the weekend and a new one was starting for friday the 13th bad luck very bad indeed but I didn't pay much importance to it. But it did not work so I had to find somebody else also for the weekend still remarkly for me no paniking I was getting over everything and without a sign of alteration; was I really changed?
On Wednesday the 2nd of May I checked my bank acc and I found that somebody had taken without my knowledge 100 pounds; this was done soon (3 or 4 mins ) after my carer left my company and very nearby of course I reported it to social services and to the police who made a report; On the telphone I told my carer who denied it but then when he came to my home for working he admited it. Still very calm while shock that I was cooping with incredible calm little know what was just aroud the corner waiting for me.
On Sunday the 6th of May my mother in Spain had a terrible encouter with a bicycle and was taken to the local hospital but with no apparent damage in her body and absolutely everybody was quite suprised when very peacefully for it waiting for a scanner in the local hospital she had a heart attack and died. Well this made it. I was completely an aterly shaking, shattered by the news; Thank God for the telephone. Although the bereavement the main process with me took only two or three days I am still being moved by the after shock waves of such an emotional "earth quake". And from time to time dark clouds gather round me and sometimes make me say stupid things that I blame to my forma acoholism and drug use and other times makes me to change everything I was considering , for a few days , for example the relation between origin and future or as well my own living at the moment having the rehabilitation was paramount and now I am considering that maybe I am going to be this disabled for ever although there is always Hope but I am not waiting for it to appear if it comes I will be more than ready (that much has not changed) but I will not be waiting for it to appear at the "door". I have thought that I might be taking pictures of the exercising I do and I can publish them here in this blog ; this is because about three or four weeks ago I took some pictures of myself for sending to Spain to show people in there that I am well and that they need not to worry (not too much anyway); I was quite happy with the result of those pictures I looked sexy and I am starting to feel it too.So I think the exercises I do among all the other things can be responsible for that.
In anycase now that I have started to write here again I will not give it up so easily (I hope!).
posted by Elfrid Walkingtree at 5:29 AM
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