Sunday 1st October

When I was told that I tested positive as having the anti bodies against HIV (17 years, 6 months, 29 days ago and still counting; by no means an extraordinary thing since some of my friends were tested positive years before me/I am not an extraordinary bloke, I am a very regular, average bloke who happened to go through very extraordinary circumstances) did not react bad against the news as I was still "high" from the day before or from the dangers before in which I had a lot of alcohol drink, cannabis smoke and many other recreational drugs (I am an homosexual after all living "fully" the gay life). i came to terms with the diagnosis after I met other people, who were also in the same situatiion who told me what was going to happen to me after all; I was going to die!

The coming to terms with my condition at the time (I have no idea now or in other countries) was one year which after 7 months I went back to my parents home since I was supposed to die I wanted to be with them but I did 2 very important things. First I started to gather as much scientific infromation about HIV as i could and, since Iwas very concerned about it I tried to organise some kind of support group for people speaking spanish (mainly) because I thought this time I was having, was going to be very confusing for them.

So to recap, so far, 3 things that i would recommend being "newly"diagnosed. To interchange ideas I meet other people, to gather as much scientific information as possible and to try to set some kind of link so some benefit can come out of such a nightmare.

After coming back to this country, and after a few months back to my native country, and then back once again I finally settled here since 1992 and I went through a whole process of learning and enriching my whole being about HIV/AIDS. For example, on a personal note, on the 2nd of Nov 1993 I gave up alcohol use (I prefer to call it abuse) and on the 11th May 1993 I stopped smoking cigarettes (now and again I smoke a small pipe of "pot")The number of things I learn about HIV are AIDS ministry course, AIDS mastery, body positive weakened, at least 3 gay men's support groups as a person seeking support and 3 more as facilitator, menenergy weekend (20), alquemy, week and many jobs as volunteer.

All of this knowledge came to a rude halt on the 20th of March 1998 when I was told I had akind of brain damage called PML (Progressive Multifocal Luccoenchephalothopy/I will explain another day what this is and how anybody can get it). I guess this brain damage started to happen in the spring of 1991 when I got a blackout in the middle of the day (as an active alcoholic I was used to have them during the night although I did not know how to identify them then). When i got this I thought that it was a psychic "attack" so i did notcomment it to anybody but by the summer of 1997 I was "feeling" something going on in my health; I commented it with my consultant then and we thought that it would be a good idea to have an E.E.G done but nothing came out of it. So in december 1997 I couldn't see things at a distance well \i didn't pay much attention to it. But when in Jan 1998 I started walking like I was drunk, although I did'nt know what,I knew that something was wrong. So when the diagnosis after a brain biopsy came through it didn't matter what it was I just needed something to hold on.So finally Iwas going to die?! So this was it?! Oh boy! Talking about being full of "shit". For about a year and ten months I was full of it (fear).

On Jan 2000 since of the so called " professionals" was giving me a way ahead because I was going to die (?) I started to do my own rehabilitation. I am not will yet but I am much better (you will see the photographs when I have them ready)