Wednesday 28th March

On Thursday 1st March, I had the impulse that I wanted to go back to studying; something that I have not done for the last 29 years. There are many reasons why I wanted that, but perhaps the most interesting one is the therapeutic point of view from which we can say that since I am having everything under my supervision and control at home this is the main reason why I do not want to get out. Of course there are other powerful reasons like not being physically very suited for socialising like for example I have to eat with my mouth open or food has to be given to me or I have no dextirity in my hands because of the lack of coordination and probably also because of this, when I speak I spit saliva coming out like missiles for the two or three metres in front of me, (thank God I can speak loud), but I needed a very powerful excuse for leaving my protective environment, also called home, and for the last six years, I have been looking for one without not much success; however, now I think that I got a very good excuse by doing again the studying. I want to study ANTHROPOLOGY, and although in theory there are quite a lot of organisations and people that should help a disabled person to navigate his or her route through the incredible 'mess' of information about it, 'at the end of the day', I had to do everything by myself with the help of my personal assistant; so this is what I did, among other things, for the last two weeks or so and I got, after quite a few frustrating telephone calls a course in the community colleges at City Lights and Birbeck College; also I got information about a University course at the Goldsmith University College in New Cross, (SE London), and yesterday I did an application for them in the website of UCAS, and of course now it will be up to Goldsmith to accept me or not, but so far I have done everything that I can. Nonetheless, in June I will get the prospectus for the Birkbeck College in which I have the possibility of starting two evenings a week in September for eight weeks and at the end of an assessment, I will be given if I am successful, a diploma, but of course I would prefer much more to go into University, something that I did not do 29 years ago back in Spain. For City Lights College, I need to call them in July to get a prospectus from them but I believe that they have a one day course on Anthropology but I do not know for how long it runs for and what title I will get at the end and if I am going to have an assessment or an exam for it. So all in all, I have to wait and see. (thanks to God or better I say thanks my friend in Tenerife Island who recommended me to take Bach essential remedies which I am taking, Willow, Beech and Impatiens).

There is a very powerful reason behind doing these courses or course and that is that I am going to 'Morgage' my time for the future. In November 1983, I was told in Madrid by a German astrologer that I would live until the age of 83, and I would die from a heart attack while sleeping a siesta or nap in the afternoon; According with the HIV information that some organisations have, if you happen to be 25 years old and you happen to get HIV, it is likely that you might live until the age of 64; the life line in my right palm says that I might live very well until well into my 90s; well I am now 47 years old and I do not know if I will die next year, when I am 64, 83, or well into my 90s. I have this impulse that I am going to study anthropology, whether I will finish it or not is another question but hopefully my life has changed dramatically nine years and eight days ago, (that is when I was diagnosed with PML); my beliefs and phylosophies in life lies with the teachings of Don Juan, and everybody connected with those teachings is an anthropologists so I am going to become one if I can. I have done many things in my time but this is the most 'special'.

(Well, 'most' is aware that I want to get rid of it when I refer to myself but obviously at the moment it is within my vocabulary so I need to use it but if in the past I used to call 'obstacles' in life 'problems' and I managed to call them 'situations', I think that I can call 'most' something that I do not know just yet what.)